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Real members of MyAutismTeam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

Dealing with others in public

A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭
Hackett, AR

How do you handle the disapproving looks and stares from others when your child is behaving oddly or acting out in public? ( without screaming to the audience, it's not his fault! He's autistic!!)

March 15, 2012
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Answer Summary

Members shared deeply personal strategies for handling judgmental stares and comments when their autistic children have meltdowns in public,... Read more

Members shared deeply personal strategies for handling judgmental stares and comments when their autistic children have meltdowns in public, with many emphasizing that their focus must stay on their child rather than on strangers' opinions. Several members described using autism awareness cards to quietly educate bystanders without diverting attention from their kids, wearing buttons or shirts that identify their connection to autism, and practicing responses that range from polite explanations to witty comebacks depending on the situation. A recurring theme was the emotional journey from anger and hurt to acceptance and thick skin, with members encouraging each other to remember that rude strangers aren't worth their limited energy and that increased autism awareness helps create a more compassionate public environment.

A MyAutismTeam Member

At first I used to say, "Excuse me. My son has Autism. Your staring doesn't help, it only makes him more anxious." Once a man responded with, "When I was a kid, parents put their kids in institutions so they wouldn't burden others." My comeback..."Then why aren't you in one?"

You can practice witty comebacks or snarky comments. You can stare and glare right back. No matter what you do, you will either be angry or hurt for a very long time. I have been dealing with this for over 14 years. It will always sting a little when you notice it. It might always make you a little angry and defensive. The good news is...you will notice it less and less as the years go by.

Not long ago, I noticed someone staring and I thought...gee, does this person live under a rock that they have never seen a child with Autism? 1 in 110 people have ASD...you would think everyone is used to it by now. My second thought was...it has been a long time since I have even noticed someone staring. I finally let go and started paying more attention to my family than how people were reacting to my family.

March 15, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

Don't get upset, Drea!! These people are not worth it!!!:-(. It is not worth your time or thoughts!!!:-(

March 19, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

ugggh thank you for asking this question!!! I am still to the point where I get angry at people then later when I am home and my son is in bed I cry lol. And than you to SnowyFlamingo because you are right more and more people are becoming aware but it doesnt seem fast enough!

March 19, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

I ignore them. They dont have a clue because it is not like you can tell a child's diagnois by looking at them. I dont feel the need to explain or make excuses. You will never see any of those people ever again in your life, so just focus on what matters.

March 18, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

I want to know what happened to the polite rule to "not stare". When I was a little girl, my mom worked at M.D. Anderson Cancer Research hospital and she used to have to take me to work with her (single mom). She would remind me every time that the patients were very sick and might look frightening, but that they were people and deserved respect. She went on to say that when I passed them in the hall or shared an elevator, I was to look them in the eye, smile my best smile, and greet them. Staring at anyone for any reason was simply not allowed.

When did gawking become socially acceptable? Whether it is at a car accident, a person with a disfigurement, an overweight individual, etc,....was I the only person taught that staring/gawking in general is just rude?

March 17, 2012

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