I posted on your wall, but besides what I wrote, I let my 5 year old scream. I look at him and tell him, "I can wait." And then I do as I say. I wait. Be completely calm and don't give him eye contact. That's the reaction they want. Stay as calm as you can. Don't back down from your original request, just in a soft, calm voice (to let them know you are in control), repeat your request and inform them you can wait. Then, wait. It's a pain but it will pay off. You can never back down from your request. You have to stay in control. One time I waited in the grocery store parking lot for an hour. But, that one time paid off. I haven't had trouble since.
(Oh, and my ABA therapist taught me this.)
Best wishes!

I tell him, "Let me know when you are done.". My son is four and he knows that when he is yelling I refuse to talk to him. I tell him that when he is done, he is calm, and he can talk to me like a "big boy", then we will talk.

@A MyAutismTeam Member thank you so much I will try it! It feels good to hear ideas!@ debbiwebbie thank your will try to say calm!

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A MyAutis...

I just went through this today +_+ I usually tell my son "Use a calm voice and big boy words, THEN I will listen." It is so hard to remain calm and not scream back. However, there are times that I do speak in an angry tone if it's appropriate. This is usually AFTER my child is done with his meltdown. My son is 4.5yrs, and I believe it is important that he realize other people can feel the same feelings he does. It is my job as a parent to teach him HOW to express and channel those feelings appropriately.