I think it is healthy to have a pity party from time to time. I do! Sometimes that is the only time us hard working parents get for ourselves. And we grow from each one of them!

Are you eligible or have you been offered Respit Care? Basically baby-sitting. They offered it to us through the Regional Center.

You are in no way selfish. For our own sanity, we need a little down time once in a while. The last time, I melted down seriously - crying and snapping and I think when I told my husband I couldn't take anymore, he saw how badly I needed to be away from them and he sent me out with the credit card and even though we can't afford it, I got a haircut, sat and ate lunch by myself in a restaurant, and went shopping (clearance, but I still was out for me.) I think I spent a total of $45 in the 4 hours I was out, and I came home so refreshed and glad to be back home with my boys.

It does not sound selfish to me, but there are a lot of other factors to consider. Everyone deserves a little time to themselves, but we can't always get it when we want it. (If my wife wants a night off, she needs to give me lots of advance warning. The longer I have to prepare for it, the easier it is for me to adjust my schedule and my attitude.)

Try this: Plan ahead a week or two. Let him know that you are going to go to dinner with a friend, and make plans accordingly. Be sure to let him know where you are going, and how long you will be, and ask him to take care of Xander and everything while you are out.

If it works, then you will have an hour out with a friend, and you will get to enjoy some time away from the house. If it doesn't work, then you might want to carefully examine the reason why.

If things fall apart because of illness or some other unavoidable event, then you can try again. If things fall apart because your husband is not interested in making it work, then that might mean you are being taken for granted.

I can't give you much advice about NASCAR. (I never understood the sport, and frankly, I have stopped watching sports of any kind for the last few years because it took too much time away from my family, and they need my support.) But it sounds like the same question.

I think you need to talk to him about NASCAR specifically. If you tell him that you don't enjoy NASCAR, and he still wants you to go, that is kind of a problem. If he told you that he hated hot dogs, for example, and you continued to fix hot dogs for him, it would be considered passive-aggressive at best. At worst, it would be a way of demonstrating indifference to your spouse's reasonable requests.

It is easy for people to get into a comfortable relationship where they don't think about what their spouse is going through. It might be nothing more than absent-mindedness. But it might be an early warning sign that you have some issues to work on.

You may just be having one of those moments - doesn't make you selfish. It's hard with kids - extra hard with a ASD one in the mix. I read a book last year called the Happiness Project and it gave me ideas for "me" stuff without leaving the house and reminded me that I am happy - but may want a little bit of the world to revolve around me.

The best way for you to love your family is to take care of yourself. I personally make time for me, and my husband is well aware of what happens if I don't. He doesn't want to go through that, so he's gotten to the point where he tells me to call one of my girlfriends and get out for a while. I think it's imperative for you to do things that you enjoy. You do not sound whiney at all. You sound like a mom that's poured herself out for her family and needs some time to decompress.