All of your answers have given me a starting point to work from, I pray nightly before bed that God gives me the strength and wisdom to get through each day. I try to follow the Serenity Prayer in my interactions with others, especially those who don't have a similar family life, as they can't even begin to understand that this is my "normal" home life,and not something that can be "fixed"- like they help their teenagers through their problems. I am a Critical care Nurse with 30 years experience, so I have good crisis management skills. I think I'm experiencing what we call "burnout", even during the most stressful shifts at work I know after 12 1/2 hrs someone else will take over,but there is no relief at home. My husband and I do talk, but his perceptions are that of an adult on the spectrum. I give him specific tasks and he will follow through on them, but he does not "see" things unless pointed out to him, so calendars and schedules are very
important. He makes lists and checks off when they are completed,whether a list of bills
for the month or our 15 year olds homeschool schedule. He is also limited by his health issues, as to how much he can physically do. I feel that just being able to put these thoughts into words without anyone judging my feelings or voicing platitudes that just make me feel inadequate, helps to relieve some of the stress

Pray my dear one, pray...He does hear us. Have faith in the ONE above.

I'm a widowed mom with 3 NT's and 1 on the spectrum. We run as tight a ship as possible because my ds makes it impossible to function if we don't. the NT's escape (2 of them drive and they always take the 3rd) so usually it's just me stuck in the routine. I get out to the grocery once a week after my son goes to bed. Other than that I just deal. My family doesn't interact. My friends all have their own lives. It's just me.

Sometimes as grandma, I feel frustration as well. As most of you know, I work as a police officer and because our entire family lives together, there are multiple things I do for the comfort of my twin autistic granddaughters that although I don't have to, I do it anyway because they have difficulties ahead and I want to make their experience as less painful and difficult as possible.

Most family understands, but sometimes even grandparents feel the heat especially when dealing with mothers and fathers of some autistic children who feel that they do not have to lift a finger as long as others will do all things for their children.
I do not feel guilty about this, but there are some things I let the parents do. Their job is to be the parents and my job is to "help" them.
Sometimes some parents of autistic or special needs children can be a little selfish when dealing with those of us who want to help.

For the record, all of you are the good ones. I read the post so I know you care and it would be wonderful if everybody in the world were like us here on this site. But that is not the case. It is so difficult sometimes, but my daughter on a number of occasions has asked me to do something that she was capable of doing, but decided that it would be easier to let someone else do it. Once I realized this was happening, I put a stop to it, but it still causes tension when its obvious that she does not need help doing specific task.

I still find myself doing something she should have done but its getting better. Sometimes you just have to say NO and leave it at that. Of course all of you know that once someone knows that you mean business, they get up and do what needs to be done.

@Rosymom2-I sure have been where you are describing. Our need to help the family members and the children is strong and sometimes (including me) we forget about ourselves. I too have felt that overwhelming fatigue and wondered where I would get the strength to keep doing this at my age. It seems more and more that others depend on those who take charge, are independent and have some knowledge of what is needed dealing with this disorder and the children. But some of us need time for ourselves and are unable to allow everybody to just sit and do nothing just because it appears that one person in the family has the "know how" to get things done. I figured this out a long time ago and although things are not always done correct if I step back, at least it allows others in the family including the parents and any other relative to step up.