We are a no excuse family. Our boys are not allowed to say their behavior was because of something else. We have taught them to own what they do good or bad and learn from it. We do discipline but find that natural consequences are often the best. You didn't do well on the math test and now you have extra work to bring your grade up. You threw dog poo at the garage and now you have to spend the rest of the day scrubbing the garage. You forgot to clean up and stepped on your lego (ouch), Mommy stepped on your lego and it's mine for a week. You made the honor roll and got to have lunch with the principal. So basically there are consequences whether you have a disability or not but our consequences just tend to be a learning moment instead of punitive.

@CPB "ASD may make things harder or take longer for you to learn, but with hard work and trying he can do it."
This is exactly how I put it too. I acknowledge his difficulty, but insist it is something he can achieve. Sometimes we need to take a step back and try again later, but there is no reason to just quit.

Autism is never an excuse for us..a reason sometimes, but never an excuse. It is tough and very tiring some times but there are logical consequences to every bad choice. And even though my son is moderately/severly affected by autism I explain to him that what he did/does is a choice he makes and I know this because I have seen him make better choices other times. Open honestly and a forward moving approached seems to be working for us and I see him self-regulated more and more...and feeling bad when he doesn't (which we work on it being okay to make mistakes)

My daughter tried that when we moved to a new school. "My autism made me do it!" We quickly informed her that that was never an excuse, but a reason to try harder. Now that being said I totally understand the balance you are trying to hit. It is hard to know when to step in because they are not like other children and therefore do not learn the same way or let them try to figure it out. I just have to take it case by case knowing my daughters abilities. I wish I knew a better way. If you hear one let me know!

... when my boy was younger, I made him try a couple new activities per year. At first, I would make him stay the course (ie, the entire soccer season, or the entire camp). Later as he got older, just for a shorter period. As he matured, he started trying new things himself. I'm so glad I made him try new things because otherwise he would have remained in front of that computer and have no other interests in his life.