Don't worry if you didn't start all the trainings and therapies early. My daughter came home from Haiti at age five with no training whatsoever: nonverbal, in diapers, little hands "limp" when given a task, couldn't hold a crayon or turn a knob. Very much in her own world,everything was a stimming device and not a toy, book, or shoe (or whatever). She has had HUGE developmental growth in four years. My son has Asperger's (I call it ASD because that's how they categorize it now). He was doing well until high school and then flunked nearly every class. So at that point I was totally immersed in helping him. It's just that had I known when he was in elementary school that he wouldn't be able to reach his dreams of going to the Naval Academy like his uncle and g-grandfather, and fly planes like his grandfather, I might have been able to steer him away from those goals and aimed him in more reachable ones. It was really sad seeing him just give up all hope and tossing his flight books aside. Then we fought a four year battle to make the school meet his LRE, which they did not, and refused by denying him alternative ways to measure his learning, tutoring, computer based courses...etc. He only needed one English course to graduate from high school and it wasn't until he was 21 that an adult ed program allowed him to use Plato. It was a magnificent day seeing him on the stage finally getting that diploma.

we Adopted our daughter when she was 4 months old. we only knew she had a hearing problem, so we dealt with that right off.There were other red flags going off in my head and with early intervention we got the DX at 3. The whole time Before the Dx I felt that If I only Knew the problem i could start working on it and fix it. Well, as we all know you can't do that. I went through depression and guilt for her and finally we are at the point of feeling bad for her, for what she is hurting about. I don't know if I am making sense or helping. My Daughter is 11 know and she is the love of our lives. We cant imagine our lives without her. If I had a natural child with the same issues I like to think I would be just as proactive but feel that denial would at some time come into play.

My son is currently in the adoption process. I knew and it was very clear dx when I got the call about him needing placement. I don't think that there I had a grief/denial...though there are times when I do want to make him better. He has improved dramatically, so maybe I am in a bit of denial I try to keep in check about how much more skills he can gain... It also amazes how much like me he is..truly meant to be my son, and I always had said that if I had a biological they would probably have autism (mental healthy, digestive health and other issues run in my family)

Denial and grief are normal reactions. It takes time to wrap your brain around the fact that your life looks different then what you pictured. Even though my son was diagnosed 2 years ago, I still have moments where I am filled with grief. I think it has gotten better over time, but sometimes the sadness sweeps over me and can be all consuming when it is triggered. Thankfully, it does not happen as often as it used to. The most helpful thing I have found was turning to friends in my life who were willing to listen without problem solving and not minimizing the feelings I was having. Not sure if that was helpful, but hope it was :)