I agree that we are not required to disclose this in the interview. And in fact the law supports that. And employers are not allowed to ask those types of questions.

In the past, I normally disclose the impact that my son has on my working life when I receive the job offer. Since your references already told this employer, I would be prepared to answer any questions they may ask. But I think a simple statement like "it is very rare that any of my home responsibilities affect my work. I have good supports in place and am able to concentrate on my work when I'm on the clock".... Good luck.

I would most certainly talk with your references about this so that you're not put in this situation again. We can all sit here and say certain questions are illegal and shouldn't be asked, but the truth of the matter is that sometimes situations like this come up and who has the time/money/energy to get a lawyer to deal with it? That's not a reasonable solution. Better to be prepared with a response like Jill suggested - "it is very rare that any of my home responsibilities affect my work. I have good supports in place and am able to concentrate on my work when I'm on the clock". While it's irritating that this is even an issue, it is reality. And with the job market being what it is, no sense in giving an employer even the slightest reason to move on to someone else.

I'd find new references if I were you. That is wrong.

I'm sorry to hear this, OSUloulou. But, you seem to be looking at it through the right lens! It really makes me annoyed that you were put through this situation at all, because it was not legal (at least in my understanding from all the interviewer training I've had - I would definitely never put the company I work for at risk by asking anything about your children or family life). Not only would I have not asked you about your family life during your 2nd interview, I would have made it clear to your references that I am only interested in your work performance. I'm also wondering if this same situation occurred and you were a man, if any follow-up questions would have been asked. My gut is that men get more "credit" (at work) for having special needs kids, where I think employers might see it as more of a liability to have mothers with special needs kids. I hate to say it, but I do believe that "society" (whoever that is) sees all the doctor appointments/therapy as a mother's responsibility and "he's such a great dad" when a father takes responsibility. I'm not saying that fathers who have adapted their work situations to take primary responsibility for all the extra effort it takes to have a special needs kid shouldn't be recognized, but when equal "sacrifices" (work & personal) have been made, I think more kudos go out to men. And as a result of this, I think employers are less likely to discriminate against men in the same situation.

Sorry, on a rant here, but this whole job interview situation you encountered really disappoints me.

Prospective employers are not permitted to ask an applicant about their marital status or parental status REGARDLESS of what information they received from a reference or any other source. As a Human Resources Manager, I am shocked that any HR professional or interviewing manager would excercise such poor judgement.

If you feel the employer discriminated against you and did not hire you based solely on the fact that your child is autistic, I would encourage you to seek the advice of an attorney.

My son's autism has ZERO bearing on my professional capability and I would never expect an applicant to disclose such personal infomation in the application or interviewing process.

Best of luck in your job search :0)