I wonder sometimes if it isn't about perspective. My son Dylan is going on 17 now and I can't think of a single time that someone has been purposely rude to him or us.

Having said that, I do see a lot of people look strangely, sometimes uncomfortable, and sometimes almost afraid. I wonder if it's possible that you're confusing this for rude behavior?

People need practice to learn how to deal with anything new. Most people have not been exposed to special needs kids/adults and just simply have a brain cramp when seeing them for the first, or second time. My son's grandfather, my father, still has no idea where to look, or what to say to my son, despite often being in a room full of people that are interacting with him without issues.

Most of us, me for sure, are angry about our children having these special challenges. I know that I want to turn every strange glance into something rude so that I have the chance to attack them, attack something!!

But that's just not fair. People are people and we're not good with new things, people, ideas, etc...and most often that 'not good' comes out in some stupid way.

We want the world to accept our kids without blinking, to just love them as they are without having to think about it...but we're not there yet...

The sticker lesson is a Tool I developed for my 3 kids. I have taught for 20 ages K-9, and found that the bullying is an issue that is most difficult issue to navigate for "normal and ASD children a like. so what you do is get a bunch of sticky notes. and some friends do some roll playing.. have a friend say some mean phrases like= Your are: ULGY, you are stupid, you talk funny, or walk funny, you don't dress nice, ( you get the point0 but make up a bunch of negative ones. and sticky stick them on a selected person, the volenter who is being bullied.. show that the person now has lots of those stickers..he looks sad and weighted down by the comments.. "WHAT WILL HE DO ?" How would you react?" So many stickers can make you feel angry or sad or even want to say something back! . what can you do with them.. QUESTION TIME : ASK YOURSELF THESE # QUESTIONS..questions #1 how well do you know this person who gave you this sticker.#2. is it the truth about me? #. Is this a good sticker to keep or do I throw it in the garbage? Every day we all have to opportunity to give away good positive stickers or negitive stickers. you choose what ones to keep that are use full.. How do you decide they are useful? does what some one say effect how you feel ? the answer is YES.. Write on another sticker pad these words = Confident, Courageous, Loveable, Like able < talented, Good friend, Good with animals, Great at playing --------- ( you get the picture) Life is like a big sticky note. when you say something those words can STICK.. make sure what you say is helpful not hurtful, in this way you educate and help your child with emotional resilaance, this tool also will help them be more aware of the words they choose too and actions to follow. ASD children are sensitive and often times they say what ever comes to there mind too, so this is a two fold tool for them grow and learn socially.. God Bless you both as you guide your children.

I don't have much advice seeing that I too have the same problem occur ESPECIALLY in the grocery store. I started wearing my autism awareness pins when I go, and if someone is staring with a critical look on their face I usually will just tell them she has autism. Which sometimes is hard. Once I was at a store and my daughter wanted a balloon, I gave her the mini one on a stick (which I usually give her when we go into this specific store) but it was around 4th of July and they had festive floating balloons and she started making loud whining sounds and repeating balloon over and over. Anyway, a woman noticed her behavior and rudely said to HER not me that she won't die if she doesn't get what she wants. I was furious she spoke to my child on an issue that did NOT concern her....I firmly told her Ma'am I'd appreciate if you would keep your comments to yourself, she has autism. She isn't just a spoiled bratty kid. She is simply trying to find a way to communicate what she wants. Of course the lady apologized, and hopefully the next time she sees a kid in public she won't be so quick to criticize since autism isn't something u can physically see... I was proud of her for telling me...it looked like a fit in the public eye but it wasn't, her tone made it seem so...o well. Hang in there I know it's hard in public sometimes!

First, I am sorry this happened to you and your daughter. We had it happen often. experiencing adult bullying I like to call it, can cause even more isolation and you feel not accepted or understood. Stats show 80% of kids with ASD Will get bullied. your daughter is young enough that she most likely is not effected by it.yet you are witnessing it now, and you know it will be a issue for her later. The best place to start is with your reaction. You know your daughters reality, and condiditions, you get the opportunity to educate others on how she should be treated. Pro-actively you can get her fitted with an ASD medical braclet, and I would also look into those cards. the key is looking at others who are rude, in a different light. this will also help you emotionally. first they need to grow there compassion and empathy for others. It is apparent they lack in one of the most important social skill.. Consider them the one with the disabilty! If your daughter is being photographed that is a boundary that I would have a big problem with! Don't be afraid to say . I don't appreciate you taking photos, of her.. how do you plan to use photos of my child!
I would like to give you some visual aids.. that will help if you would e-mail me the post will be to long to explain. but I know it will bennifit you as we had gone through this too.. that is why we developed the Sticker lesson that is being used in schools.

God Bless
M-Erdman

Helper, I love your attitude and your post.

One of the disadvantages that autistics have sometimes, grrr..I hate to put it that way, but am unsure how else to say it, is that they look 'normal.'

Often I see people look strangely when Dylan gets too close, like when trying to get to a book at a crowded shelf. In a normally developing child this would be rude behavior maybe, but it's just different with Dylan. Usually I'll just say, "I'm sorry Brother, Dylan is autistic and he's not always good with personal space.." while smiling...and never that I can remember have I not seen that person melt.

We can challenge people that act poorly around our kids, but that only makes people angry, and more uncomfortable, which is the issue now, right? Why would we choose OUR behaviors that would cause further alienation for our kids to the uninitiated?

There have been times when people have behaved in such a way that it hurt my heart, that I wish that I could go back in time and take away. But for every one of those times there have been a hundred, maybe hundreds, where I've been shocked by the kindness of strangers to the point of trying not to just stand an cry all over myself.

Many times I think that we get exactly the reaction that we're looking for...