How Do You Handle Meltdowns In Public Restaurants? | MyAutismTeam

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How Do You Handle Meltdowns In Public Restaurants?
A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

So the family was having dinner with grandma and by about 30 mins into the meal my daughter started freaking out wanting to get up and run around so I had to carry her outside screaming and crying and everyone looking at us. So I started breaking down. I don't know what to do when stuff like that happens.

posted April 17, 2014
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A MyAutismTeam Member

I have 3 kids, 2 on the spectrum, now 20 & 14, one typical 18 yr old. We found that ANY OUTING w/an autistic (or even typical) child is like playing chess; you must think 5 steps ahead to win. Until around age 5, they all shared equally in public meltdowns. My husband and I spent years swapping roles of "you be warden, my turn to eat", one bookin' out the door w/ screaming kid under arm to our "mini-van purgatory" while the other shoveled down their food before the others lost it too. Surrendering to the fact that eating or even GOING out without having a behavior (and escape) plan was a luxury reserved only for our few date nights. For our sanity, we had to view going to restaurants, parks, malls, outings, even to family get-togethers and to church (back before the days of special-needs ministries) as "humbling teaching opportunities". Forward thinking was crucial to our sanity. HERE'S MY HIT LIST OF "CRUCIALS" I RECOMMEND: (1) WRITE SOCIAL STORIES, FAMILY "RULES FOR THE RESTAURANT" ETC. AND BEHAVIOR PLANS - READ frequently, KEEP copies in the car to read en route & in the restaurant or place out. (2) KEEP A "FUN BAG" FOR "WAITING TIMES" FULL OF REINFORCERS, WATER BOTTLES & SHELF-STABLE SNAK IN YOUR TRUNK AT ALL TIMES- RULES: FUN BAG is ONLY for "times we wait" (to be seated, for meals, for Dr. appointments, etc.)-remind them it goes back in the bag when the "waiting time's up" (food comes, etc.). Rotate in new things to keep it novel & keep it in YOUR control. Set your phone timer-give a new item every 5-15 minutes of + behavior (3) PRINT OUT RESTAURANT MENUS ONLINE, LET KIDS PICK THEIR FOOD AHEAD- OR BETTER -> (4) FIND PLACES YOU CAN PRE-ORDER YOUR FOOD or at least TAKE RESERVATIONS. Call small non-chain restaurants during non-peak hours, talk to the manager (or owner) if your kids have food allergies. OTHER STUFF -Have basic rules, consequences & rewards- quiet hands/feet/voices, stay in our seats until we leave (or go potty), use kind & polite words,etc. If we saw a kid on the "brink", they'd get a "let's go to the potty for a conversation"- sometimes removing the kid to the quieter bathroom stall was enough to redirect them and a better place to discipline. Yelling/hitting/throwing earned an immediate "go to VAN". Kid sat, buckled in, no talk, music, toys, access to throwable objects, etc. til they calmed down (while I'd clean out my filthy van). They picking up self-calming, especially when reminded they'd lose their "media time" reward at home they could earn for positive behavior. CONSISTENCY was key. It was ALWAYS more punishing for us than them, of course. By age 6-9, each one learned they couldn't scream in public, throw things, etc. As they got older, they learned how to be courteous, considerate of others. OK, 7/10 times they'll hold a door open BUT at least we've greatly reduced our once-flowing stream of restaurant to-go containers to our land-fill.

posted April 24, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

We have all been there. It used to cause me great anxiety- like I just wanted to cry because people would stare. And I also felt like we deserved to be able to leave home for a dinner out. Now, Thomas does much better as long as he has his favorite you. I have learned to just handle it and not feel bad. After so many years, I've become numb . If others don't have autism to deal with- they will have other challenges. The Lord made Thomas and He gives me the strength and endurance to handle each day

posted April 24, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

We do what you did and leave. One of us takes our daughter outside while the other gets everything to go and pays the bill.

We only go to certain places and we only take her when she is having a good day. We bring toys and crayons and some of her favorite snacks as well

posted April 17, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

we've all been there. Just have the waitress wrap up your food and take the child to the car. Allow the others to finish and your child can finish her dinner in the car if she chooses. This will happen more than you want but it will get better. My son did this for a year and finally we have meals out as a family. Bring some of your child's favorite books or handheld things to keep her busy while waiting for the food to come. Remember it's hard for them to be idle especially when they don't understand. After each tantrum is over then talk in a calm voice about what happened and why you needed to leave the restaurant. People are just curious as to what is happening and also watching your reaction so give them nothing to see.

posted April 18, 2014
A MyAutismTeam Member

I've def been there. It's so hard, but us too deserve to enjoy family dinners at restaurants just like any other family. Some days we cross are fingers and hope things go well. Don't let others keep you from enjoying your life. When things like that happen with my son Ayden I try to redirect it, but most of the time we have to leave. Don't you wish this world was more accepting? :-/

posted April 17, 2014

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