We learned a technique when my son was about 8 that worked very very well in changing his behavior when he was out of control. It was really hard to change our way of thinking to master the technique. Don't tell them what to stop but tell them what to do. For example. If he is kicking don't tell him to stop kicking, tell him to put his feet on the floor. If he is hitting don't tell him to stop hitting tell him to put his hands in his pockets. If you tell him to stop he does not know what to do instead.
It worked like a charm for us...good luck

My boy is 10 now, and is 131 lbs... we have days where his violence comes out, and we do get injured. Its not uncommon for me to have a bite mark , or his sister to have a bruise from a fit he throws. Weve reduced the number and frequency of explosive behaviors tremendously through carefully reading his cues. There is always a buildup and we do all we can to prevent a melt down. Hate to say its almost like walking on eggshells sometimes. But I have learned to do a safe restraint so he doesn't injure himself or others as often. We sit and revisit every episode long after the cool down period has happened. We discuss what triggered him, and what we should and can do to prevent future outbreaks. Then we do alot of role playing together. We have basically eliminated the word "NO" specifically. Its like the word NO is a dagger to him, he takes instant fight instinct to it. Do you find its the same sort of situations or is it just redirection in general. For me its like I am constantly learning his triggers, as I learn them I do all I can to rearrange his environment and schedule to avoid the meltdowns. Theres not a magical answer I don't think to be honest... Be persistent in letting him know its not ok.

I've had a similar issue recently with my 4yr old. He would hit and make 'biting' motions with his mouth. Most of the time I could tell it was out of frustration or attention seeking. The first thing I did was order a book called "Hands are not for hitting" http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-B...

My son responds well to social stories and that book did a good job of talking about how we use our hands properly. I made sure his teacher and therapists knew immediately of this issue so we could all work together on a solution. When he would hit/attempt to hit, I'd focus on 'why' he was upset. "Use your words...how do you feel?" Once we work through how he felt, I talk about what he could do differently next time something like that happened. I've been teaching him how to compromise and the fact that it won't always happen. With my 4yr old, I can usually postpone doing something like the book again at bedtime. "I'm sorry, but it's past your bed time. Would you like to read the book again tomorrow night?" As emotions have usually calmed by this time, I talk about how his actions hurt other people. "When you hit my arm, that hurt me and I felt sad." This is when I reference the book and remind him 'hands are not for hitting' and then I give him a hug. Of course it doesn't always go this smooth, but I've been consistent with follow-through ...and lucky! If my son throws items, which he has, the item is immediately confiscated (if it's his) and if we are in public, I remove him from the scene and give him the same stern talking-to. While I do my best to remain calm, I do let him to see that I was angry/displeased with something he'd done. Sometimes that 'shock factor' can get his attention when it really matters.

Good luck :)

Hello Amber, My son is 7 and is the same way. He will destroy things and hurt people. I have found at times telling him I know he is angry and why he is will help him calm. Other times ignoring his behavior and telling him to come over to me, we sit and I rub his back. He is not able to really work out his issues, so I find the gentle style of just getting him to stop works best. If we are out, I have to at times drag him out. I too worry what I will do when he is too big for me to control and he too is all muscle!

@A MyAutismTeam Member I feel like we are living the same life

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