I have no idea how a single mom works with three kids. Our one child seems like more than two of us can handle some times.

In the short run, there are only a few things you can do. Obviously, you might want to get a locking cabinet for all the toys that are most troublesome. Don't think of it as "baby proofing"; think of it as an extra step needed before playing with glue, paint, permanent markers, dynamite, etc...

It sounds like she may be seeking attention, too. Some of the games she is playing to avoid bedtime might be designed to get the maximum possible reaction from you. If so, you could try increasing the reward for solitary activities near bed time, and reducing the amount of reaction (or interaction) she gets by making messes.

Sometimes it is helpful to require kids to clean up their messes. It helps create a good habit. Other times it does the opposite: They might be learning that they can get your undivided attention by making a mess. Kids tend to crave attention, and not notice or care that you are frustrated.

If it is simply a matter of getting wound up near bedtime, that might be associated with medication. Your doctor might be able to make some suggestions for getting the best out of each medicine. It might be as simple as adding a vitamin supplement, or as complicated as breaking a single dose up into several small doses. I have heard more than one parent say they were able to get 90% of the benefit from a certain medication by working with their doctor to gradually reduce the dose. (I don't want to name that medication, I am not a doctor.)

In the short run, you also might need to do the typical anti-stress activities: Get as much sleep as you can, focus on a single task as much as possible, avoid conflict unless the issue is really important, and avoid TV news and talk radio. These are all proven strategies for reducing stress, and are still valid even though they might seem impossible. If you feel like you need some "me time", for example, you will usually find that you need sleep more. If one child is making a mess, but you are already dealing with a different one, go ahead and let the "new" mess happen, and then give it your full attention at a later time. If you treat each minor crisis as if it is major, then your brain develops a stress reaction that never stops. Try to let the minor crisis play itself out for a bit. You may find that dealing with it ten minutes later is just as easy, and gave you an extra ten minutes to deal with the original issue.

In the long run, though, you may find that you need some sort of assistance.

I am not sure what form that may take, but try to keep all your options open. You might find a "baby-sitter" who is willing to cut their normal rate to help to wear down a 12-year old. You might get help from an extended family member, or even other parents who are in a similar situation. Good Luck.

I totally understand your situation. I've recently become a single mom, my 4 year old is Autistic and I'm starting to believe she is also ADHD as well and i have a one year old son. I relate to it being your undoing. I now have anxiety and moments of depression over this overwhelmed lifestyle of mine. I work at work and work at home it seems, the insignificant breaks I get aren't doing it. I still think i can't handle this. I need an army of people to help, it feels. I guess the hardest part for me is not knowing where to turn next, and feeling like i'm being pulled in two. I feel like i Need to be at home with my kids, but i also Have to work to provide for them. Its very hard. I'ld use or ask for more respite, if you can take a break, talk to your doctor, or family. I wish you the best of luck.

Can she help you with bedtime routines for the younger siblings? My son was like this until I started involving him in the nighttime routine with his younger 2 brothers. As I'm getting one ready he is reading to the other one. Then we switch off. When he doesn't want to read I have him doing simple chores to help get the younger 2 to bed. He helps pick out the next days clothes, puts clean laundry away, throws dirty laundry in the hamper. He earns token for helping me out and then he trades the tokens for extra time before bed. If he's made bedtime impossible for me he earns no extra time and goes to bed along with his brothers. If he's helpful he can earn up to 30 minutes extra time once the younger 2 are in bed.

ADHD meds are usually stimulants. Ask your dr. The stimulant needs to wear off in time for night night time. Does she take anything for help to go to sleep? Melatonin? Clonodine? Anything?