He needs to learn how to react when he feels that "out of control" or "I get really mad" feeling.

Write a social story WITH him. Call it "when I get realllly mad". He needs to know what he can do instead. Write a whole series of things that have happened. And the books will have new solutions. Could he squeeze a ball to give him that physical input? Can he hold his breathe and count to ten? Can he give his teacher a pass and leave the room?

I don't know him, so I don't know the right answer but you do.

The reason books don't work is because kids don't hear them enough. repetition is so important with social stories. You need to read them a lot. And then get puppets and play it out. You be him. Your puppet gets really really mad, and he needs to help the puppet figure out what to do. Do many situations. Many Many times. If he hates puppets play it out with cars, with cans of food, whatever he loves.

And you need clear consistent consequences for when he does push or yell. Make it clear, visual, it can be apart of the book even.

Hope that gives you some ideas! Repetition, consistency, hold him to expectations. You got this.

In support,

Laura

Thanks for these web sites - I think I get not to describe or name the bad behaviour but instead focus on something like how to make others feel safe or how to make a good friend or something like that. I guess I am not very creative - I cant think how to say please stop threatening, calling names, swearing and being aggressive at school. I want him to be calm, self regulate, solve problems, complete school work and be respectful to others (adults and children) bodies and minds. How to narrow this down and focus on most important thing??? GAH!! I have worked on repeated messaging ie hands and feet to self since he was a toddler but he’s bigger now and given I didn’t know what was going on till 6 months ago I likely wasn’t too effective.

Laura thanks for your response. I must say i feel as though im failing here tho. I have a question. Can you explain what to write in the story and how it would go? For example got sent home from school for "violent' threats to kid or kids at recess today. Would i use the bad thing he said or change it to making threats to hurt somebody ... Don't even get me started on why he was even able to do that.

Issues have no know time or transition (although stopping preferred activities is hard) triggers. It could be nine am, lunch or end of day - doesn’t matter. They say that there are issues when he is expected to do school work, when trying to play and rules are not going his way or he gets out, when someone he doesn’t like gets chosen to pass out paint brushes (or whatever), when given limits, when he doesn’t get his own way, when he perceives others are being rude to him is the biggest. He says that he feels the need to get physical because he gets really mad. When I pushed this a little he said that it really hurts his feelings and that he does it because of that.

At home his issue is fighting with brother about games or turn taking or fairness. With friend in community it may be many of the same things. He is sensitive so sometimes it could be that somebody looked at him or laughed. With me or dad it is when we call him on his behaviours. BUT sometimes he handles it fine and other times he doesn’t. Sometimes he snaps and is really mouthy and blaming of others.

In general I have learned that you need a real quiet voice when disciplining or calling him on stuff as he gets really emotional or embarrassed or angry if he is in front of others. His school is aware of this. It doesn’t always make a difference.

In terms of diet I don’t feel that we can make such a drastic change but I have made differences. Removing some of the more obvious bad things, using more natural, trying things substituting different milks for cows milk, GF noodles instead of regular etc etc. I have tried some vitamins and supplements of varying forms and have not seen any changes. If you have ideas please do share.

Try the GFCF diet, to start, then there are very many other supplementation and useful alternative treatments..if you would like more info let me know!:)