Having ASD children is very difficult on relationships as it is the same with just a disabled child in general. The divorce rate is very high because all of the stress leads to resentment.

I am a dad and I have been on here for a long time and I read these kinds of posts a lot. I would like to say something without it looking like I am defending guys. Mothers will always be different from fathers in that moms are always hands on and very protective and tend to come to terms with situations far better than dads . Men just have a hard time with dealing with situations like this especially if the child is a boy, because they have such expectations for the future. When they realize their child is not going to be the same as they were it really bothers them and some guys just cannot deal with it .

My wife is home and deals with the children's issues during the day because someone does have to go put and bring in the money, but I am involved in everything that goes on, my vacation time at work consists of days here and there for appointments, I have not taken a week off in years. Also on the weekends I work with the children as much as possible, but we still have friction sometimes because I do need some down time as well so sometimes my wife gets on me if I am not on the kids while I am around. She says my break time is when I am at work, which is true to some extent, however that is not fair either if you really think about it.

You have to take turns and not expect touch from the other, and if there is an issues you have to discuss it do not hold it in so resentment builds, then explode all at once, because that is what kills relationships. Now that being said if one parent just does not want to give in and do a little extra sometimes that is going to be an issue, but you cannot jump the gun and assume the other just does not care as much or is lazy, you have to communicate and get to the bottom of what exactly is going on and address it.

Trust me I know a lot of guys are not pulling their weight and there is no excuse but sometimes there is more going on than you know, so discuss it and work on it don't just complain and yell, because the same thing happens when you complain and yell at an ASD child, it just does not do anything but confuse them. I guess I am saying it is all about perspective and compassionate for your significant other with a little give and take added in.

Raising a special needs child is stressful. As my husband works, he trusts me to make decisions regarding medication and therapies for our son. He cannot take time off for many appointments. I look at it as we each are responsible for our own list and mine has our son and his medical care on it. When he has concerns about medicine or therapy he makes the time to talk or come. He supports the decisions I make.

He does not spend his time reading about Autism and therapies. I have realized that researching Autism is not a way he deals with the stress like I do. His stress relief is action movies and reading ebooks on adventures. You need to keep in mind that you may be trying to release stress by controlling what you can about therapies. I think as a woman - it is the nurture wiring that kicks in.

With your Mom attending - support is always good - except when it gets in the way. If she and you are making decisions - does that make your husband want to step back to give you room or is he intimidated or does he feel your Mom takes over? There could be resentment from his side towards that set up.

Bottom line though, men are logical. If you want him to attend - ask. He won't say "Gee Babe, that new medicine sounds like I need to be there to help decide." He can't predict how an appointment will go. He may not understand what is important until you tell him. It is not a lack of trying. It is a lack of details. Some men do not do details or understand
why women obsess or
care or worry.

It sounds like he is responsive to your needs. Tell him your needs. If you need more, I am certain he will rise to the occasion. If he cannot do more, come up with a plan B together to remove stress so you don't let that resentment build. You both do enough all day - don't try to climb or shout over walls to connect - it will ruin what you have. Best of a journey to you - you sound like a practical woman who will make a good decision.

Well, I am a dad and though my wife drives our son for various therapies, I am heavily involved in the treatment plans - both from therapy as well as medical. I do take days off from work for the certain therapy appointments especially if it involves new therapy or new therapist. Like you, I wish my wife was a bit more involved in the decisions rather than the driving. I am also our son's speech and play partner on weekend / week nights and while it is not formal therapy, I would like to believe that that it is just if not more important than therapy. Glad to hear that your husband is doing that as well as that can be quite important as well. Maybe try to encourage him to learn about floor time and RDI which are play based approaches that he can incorporate in his playtime with his son. These can very effective (more than ABA) for some kids.

I think it is pretty typical...

I am home. He's at work. I trust him to make decisions on money and making sure we have enough to cover our needs. He trusts me to make decisions about the kids and their well-being. He is their step-dad but even their biological dad does not offer any thoughts on decision making or help with any day-to-day stuff.

It can definitely feel like it is all on me, especially because I am also homeschooling my kids. But when I ask my husband for help, I usually get some. If I need extra help, I ask for it. I asked him recently if he would come with me next time our son has a blood draw. I need him to see how difficult it really is. He agreed, no problem.
He also helps me remember that I need to give myself a break.

I have been thinking lately that if something happened to me, he wouldn't know much at all about my kids' needs. Especially my son. He has many doctors and I don't think my husband really knows half of his medical diagnoses.

Got me thinking I should maybe write it on something he can keep in his wallet in case of emergency and I'm not there...
Maybe even having it there would pique his curiosity from time to time...?

Thanks I appreciate your response! I guess the difference is when I say playtime with dad its more sensory based wrestling and such. I do the play therapy which I also believe is very effective and my son enjoys that time with me while learning skills he needs. Thanks for the advice i guess for the encouragement I usually just get a defensive answer accusing me of saying that he doesnt care. I guess everyone is different I am very lucky to have my mom near she goes to all evaluations and helps with decisions on therapy plans. Its nice to hear a fathers perspective. Your child is lucky to have you on his team where I guess I feel both parents should be if they are there. Thanks again!