9 years old is a hard age. When my son was that age. We found out what his most valued item was and would take that away from him. But I would have him look at me and explain why and made him look at my mad face. These kids know facial expressions. It took awhile for it to click with him. They r very smart people. Also there are so many different apps online for kids on the spectrum. I look at apps4kids for app for my son. Good luck

Thank you for the advice. I'll look into that book.

Our daughter isn't high functioning but she knows she will lose the use of the smart phone or she doesn't get dessert or whatever. Parents have the money and the power.

I know some people are never spankers but both my wife I did it when she was younger and it got her attention. Never had to spank my non-autistic son so I didn't do it because I'm some control freak.