We do the same thing, and unfortunately once a child goes into meltdown mode it is hard to get them out of it, I never expect my daughter will feel bad because she just is not capable, so we just deal with it. Being in public is tough, but sometimes you just have to walk away and let them work through it because the extra attention makes things worse, and makes the meldown continue much longer. Use the redirections and also do carry a bunch of things with you to have on hand. We always have people ask us why we still carry the bag with us, and we keep telling them we have to be prepared in case something happens, they just do not understand because they have average children.

I agree with scalivero, and our ABA therapist says the same things.....stay calm no matter what. It shows him you're the one in control, not him. And, especially in public, I use distractions all the time to interrupt tantrums. I carry a favorite toy or snack in my purse at all times, even let him use the phone, but ONLY for those emergency tantrum times. That way it always works when you need it.

And, I always pack, for everywhere we go....a snack, a drink, diapers (my son still isn't trained), small favorite books or quiet toys. It's ridiculous to still carry around a diaper bag, but, I'm always prepared.
(Don't know if that will help at all.....) *hugs*

Look up tantrum vs. meltdown on youtube. It helped me a lot. We have to remember that our kids don't have the same thinking process of other kids so disciplining them the same way does not make sense. In my experience your reaction is what triggered him. I know, because 9/10 times I am the one who triggers my sons outbursts. I am still learning to change the way I think because my son can't change the way his brain is wired.

Hi and hugs! Your story sounds a lot like mine. My son is 9 now, but has a very low frustration tolerance and tantrums significantly even now. It sounds like you are on the right track being consistent with your implementation of the consequences. Here are a few other ideas to consider: 1. learn a basket hold, if you need to hold him until he is calm and no longer a threat to himself or others. Some kids can't tolerate it but some can. My son doesn't like it, and learned quickly how to settle down if he didn't want to be held. 2. The tantrums are "normal" for many kids on the spectrum. Unfortunately, discussion doesn't really work sometimes, so the rules may have to be black and white -- tell him that he cannot run away, and if he does he has to hold your hand until he learns not to run. 3. Children with autism have limited executive function ("theory of the mind") where they can understand others' feelings, so don't feel bad! At the very least, don't let him see it. Our ABA therapist had us learn to be calm at all costs, not to raise our voices, and be consistent with the rules. 4. When all else fails, redirect. Pull out a book or direct his attention elsewhere to interrupt the tantrum, then have him sit for just a minute.

I wish I had more to offer! I hope some of this is helpful.

@ tantrums your son doesn't sound as though he understands why he is being punished. This is a profound problem for those with ASD. He thinks he is trying and getting punished anyway, whereas his sister doesn't seem to get punished like he does. That's the way it SEEMS to him.

In the situation you described, the meltdowns are probably the result of confusion and feeling rejected and punished for "no reason". Time-outs generally don't work with ASD, at least not the way they do with neurotypicals. Attention is not the problem. The problem is confusion, frustration and the feeling of condemnation. Most autistics have a different sense of time (if there is any at all), and have some sensory perception and processing mechanisms which give them very different information than that of neurotypicals.

Those with ASD have a very different view of the world and don't have the same tools with which to interpret it when compared to their neurotypical peers. We really do feel like we are aliens in a hostile world.