This blog is the second in a support series for parents by Marci Lebowitz, occupational therapist and autism specialist. Find out more about how Marci supports autism parents and professionals at www.marcilebowitz.com.

Can you REALLY tell the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?

One of the most widely discussed characteristics of autism is when your child becomes overwhelmed, inconsolable and totally out of control. For the unknowing, non-autistic onlooker, it can appear that your child behaves badly and is probably in need of real parenting!

How wrong they are!

We are becoming aware that behind the challenges of autism, many of these children are highly intelligent, are masters at using this intelligence to manipulate situations, and can use behavior to attempt to get their way.

However, could it be that not all episodes of screaming are the same? That they are not always trying to get their way? I think that there are two distinctions. The first are meltdowns that are caused by sensory overload, and the second is willful tantrums.

The examples below may help to illustrate this distinction even better.

Olivia was sitting at her little dining room table her eating snack. She wanted more, so she simply started to scream at the top of her lungs. Periodically she would turn around and check to see if her mother was watching. She threw her bowl and banged her hands on the table. When she took a break from that, she would check for her mother’s reaction, gauging to see if her mother was going to give her what she wanted without using her PECS.

One day, Olivia had not had enough sleep, she appeared to be getting sick, and she was not getting what she wanted. I guess you know these sorts of days very well and you know what follows. Olivia begins screaming at the top of her lungs and throwing things. This escalates. She has no regard for safety and complete disregard for her parent’s reaction. No connection. She is out of control, unsafe, inconsolable, and checked out.

Which do you think is a tantrum, and which is a meltdown?

This is the second in a series about how to understand and work with severely challenging autistic behaviors. This post will help you to distinguish the differences between tantrums and meltdowns.

Believe it or not, it really is possible to tell the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown once you know what to look for!

Here’s how you can begin to distinguish the differences.

Temper tantrums
A temper tantrum is very straightforward: the child ddoes not get his or her own way and, as grandma would say, “pitches a fit.”

Qualities of temper tantrums:

• The child does not look at you, nor care, if those around are reacting to the behavior.

• The children do not consider their own safety.

• The child has no interest or involvement in the social situation.

• Meltdowns continue as though they are moving under their own power.

• A meltdown conveys the feeling that no one is in control.

• A meltdown can occur because a specific want has not been met, the children becomes over stimulated, goes into full-blown sensory overload and cannot calm themselves.

• Meltdowns go on for extended time periods unless the caregiver or the child themselves knows how to take themselves out of sensory overload.


In order to know how to manage both of these types of situation, the adults need to understand how to distinguish between a tantrum and a meltdown, to have effective behavior management tools to deal with the situation, and then additional skills and tools to help the autistic child gain sensory control, and to work during the meltdown to bring the child safely and calmly back to being in control once more.

In the next blog post in this series, we’ll be discussing tips to manage tantrums and meltdowns.

Please feel free to comment below how this information has helped you understand how to distinguish between a tantrum and a meltdown. I’d love to hear from you!