I'm in my 40's I have Asperger's, too. I didn't know it (or about Asperger's) until about 4 years ago--I just thought I was weird.

Learning about it helps a bunch. I don't see it as a disability. Instead, I have a better understanding of why I'm good at what I'm good at and I can make the most of those strengths. And I now know what I need to work around.

For instance, I have a lot of trouble reading the social queues that suggest when a person is bored with what I'm saying. Now that I know I don't see that, I've learned to ask for feedback. I also tell my university professors at the beginning of the term that they should let me know if I go too long in a discussion. These little things help tremendously.

I also work hard to maximize my strong points. I'm great at talking to computers. I'm also pretty good at engaging people. I combine the two as a consultant and, in the past, as a systems engineer.

I'm sure you know what your son's special interest is. Work with him on that, so that he can explore it completely. He can become the world's foremost expert in _________. He has Asperger's. That makes him able to delve deeper and understand better than anybody who doesn't have that gift. You will find that the professionals in his field of interest--the ones that everybody things are a little "flaky"--are overjoyed to have around a bright, young person who shares their interests. If you live near a college or university (or hospital or animal shelter or baseball team--depending on what his special interest is), ask those people to help out!

Encourage him to look at his Asperger's as a Super Power. That's exactly what it is for the area of his special interest. Understand, too, that he can have more than one special interest (sometimes, at the same time). Encourage him to develop them--even if it's to the exclusion of some other part of his life. That is, if he really likes French class but hates Phys. Ed., push the French and accept lower grades in gym.

Lastly, if there are areas you can help him build some friendships in, where you have some really good, responsible kids in the neighborhood or at your 4-H club (or whatever--you know the kind, they're the kids who are always helping out with Special Olympics and fundraisers for charitable organizations), talk to their parents and ask them if they think the kids will help out. Then take those kids aside and explain to them what's going on with your son. Ask them to "look out" for your child, to be his friend. The good kids will be happy to help him out. As he makes friends with them, he'll start to make friends with their friends. He may never be popular, but he won't be a "freak", either.

I hope that helps--being an aspie isn't a bad thing, it's a super power!

I may be over-simplifying, but could part of his denial be his age? Teenagers desperately want to fit in, and ASD really makes them feel different.

How wonderful to hear someone else who thinks it is a super power!

All 4 of my children are high functioning on the spectrum, but my 13yr old girl doesn't like if I include her as being on the spectrum. She said she has no problem with her ADHD diagnosis or social phobia, but I'm not allowed to say she's autistic. For now, I'm trying to respect her wishes. She's going to starting therapy for her social phobia because except for a couple close friends, friends she's had forever, she won't socialize, she almost never leaves the house, is homeschooled because she won't enter new situations, etc. So I'm hoping while she's in therapy we may be able to address the fact that she's unwilling to accept her diagnosis as well. She has no problem with the fact that her siblings are on the spectrum or that everyone in our family is odd or unique, it's just when you mention spectrum in relation to her that she gets upset.

There are books out there that he can read....also, you can google "Asperger's Syndrome", and have your Son read the qualifications. You'd/he'd be surprised how many of the criteria reflect what he is. A rude awakening it might be, but it'll also help him to understand why he is the way he is, and that it's not a bad thing...just different. Good Luck