Most people get it when I simply turn my back to them because I'm trying to do something for my daughter. I let her do what she wants until she is going to harm someone or break something. If it goes on for a while and they seem clueless, I will tell them she has autism. Still, I'd rather have her do her own thing than give a detailed medical history to strangers. Some of our relatives still don't get that she is ASD/ADHD all the time. It's not too much sugar, TV or just lazy parenting. She influences her little non-ASD brother so we get "Does he have autism, too?" quite a bit.

"Is he Autistic or does he have Down Syndrome?" It's an honest question but I'd be tempted to answer "He has cannibalism" or some other joke answer depending on my mood.

I used to have this problem, but then it finally occurred to me F other people. They don't nor will they understand anyway. Our beautiful wonderful children needs and attention come first before any other person who is going to have some stupid irrelevant thought on what the child is doing and why you are not doing what they think you should do. Does he have autism too, what an idiot, tell her what the five fingers say to the face.... SLAP!

Everyone is different on how they deal with strangers questions and or comments. We have always since my son was 3 (when we got the diagnosis) been very open and honest to him about autism and how he is special and why he acts, thinks, feels differently than non-autistic kids. We bought books that were age appropriate explaining how hes not alone or disabled and many children are like him. I don't have problems with someone asking me about my son if its done in a non judgmental way. I guess I would rather them understand why he is acting or not acting a certain way than to just feel like hes being rude or misbehaving on purpose.

I agree with you, in the thought that your son likely understands so much, and we should not allow others to talk in front of him as if he didn't understand. In similar situations, I try to be kind,but to the point. Of course, I am rarely ideal, but if I could take my time and write it out, I would say something like:

"My son sometimes has challenges with parties due to all the excitement and sensory stimulation. If we keep busy and moving, he has learned to really enjoy parties" or something like that could be positive (both for the person asking the question, and, IMO more importantly, for your son to build confidence).
Just a couple of weekends ago, we went to an extended family party out of town. There were several distant relatives there that rarely see my son, so they weren't sure how to talk around him, or interact with him. I told everyone how much our son enjoyed gatherings where he got to have an active role. Before I knew it, the hostess of the party was assigning fun roles to my son, like helping serve and clean up. Definitely a good memory for all involved.

The inappropriateness of the question coming from an adult is the real issue. I've had them too. More common are these type of questions from my son's 5-6 year old classmates. Obviously at that age they dont have any filter on what they say....I usually just answer with things like "he learns differently than you do" or "he gets really excited when he's having fun", etc... So whenever I run into a ridiculous adult that ask these sort of questions I give them the same answer. If they have the stupidity to ask a question like that, then they dont have the mental faculties to understand what I mean if I told them he had an ASD.