Well, one thing to keep in mind is that while medication is helpful, it only treats the symptoms and not the problem. With a lot of work and patience, you can work to find ways to prevent the meltdowns before they occur. My son still has meltdowns (heck, I STILL have them on occasion and I am in my 30s!!) but, by finding out what triggers them or what he is like before it happens you can safely remove him from the environment or redirect his attention to prevent them. We have gone from having a meltdown daily, to him having one or two a month. We've eliminated most hitting instances, as well!

I'd start by having a conversation with your husband, still. Then once you've opened him up, take the conversation to your mother in law with his support. Being in your situation as it is, makes things a little more fragile, even if I still don't agree with it. My oldest son has a different father than my youngest and he has his own set of problems. Thankfully, my husband and I are pretty good with communication and it has been easier for me to gain his support.

Get a notebook and begin taking notes about your son daily. Try to find patterns in both his surroundings and his behavior prior to his breakdown. For the most part, meltdowns, tantrums and aggression are linked to sensory overload or underload. But it can be tricky, because it could take hours or even days of this building up before there is an overflow of stimulation leading to the meltdown.

But push him a little.... for example, see how he reacts to common things he encounters daily in his environment. Loud talking, TV, music, crying, yelling, dogs barking, the vacuum, the washer and dryer. See if he notices them happening. If you turn on the TV does he react to it negatively? Or at all? Does he yell, cover his ears, walk to another room, start slamming toys or playing more aggressively? Does he begin to fidget and/or behave restlessly?

Does it happen more often in the day or at night? Does it happen after he has eaten certain foods? (Sugar, caffeine, certain fruits?)

It could be he needs pressure! Sometimes hitting, or throwing themselves into walls, the floor, kicking etc. are attributed to sensory seeking, the need to feel pressure on their body. Weighted vests or blankets can help here... as well as a trampoline (indoor or outdoor, we bought both!) swinging, being cradled by someone he trusts. My 7 year old will still come and curl up into my lap like a newborn, fetal position and all and press himself into me as hard as he can when he starts to feel out of control... yet he won't let anyone else on the planet hug him.

If you come to the conclusion that right before a meltdown or show of aggression he begins to rock, or tap his foot or chew his hand (examples) then right then and there you can just say, "How about a break?" And take him somewhere quiet where he can regain his self control. Out for a walk, or a bath, or to his room with just you two playing quietly.

I'm sorry your dealing with that, it's not fair of her. I had a similar situation, we were at a baby shower and my almost 3 year old wanted to help and she was excited so she was screaming and everybody kept asking her to stop and moving her away and it bothered me because she was happy! Them doing that was telling her not to be. They as in in laws. It's hard when family doesn't understand they continue to think it's a phase and they will grow out of it. Take any opportunity to spread awareness to your family. Hope it gets better, your not alone.

Well one thing I learned is that if everyone in the house isn't on board, following methods and learning about the child with autism, then things do not go well for anyone. The older generation seem to not really get it (understand) or grasp it. They didn't encounter anything like this during their time or during their children or us growing up. When a child was bad, they were just acting up and got a smack or spanking and a child would straighten up. Well that doesn't work for these children, in fact that would make things a lot worse. Every child is different, you can't just give a book to learn them as if one size fits all. In order for them understand, they would have to open their mind, but have to want to learn. They can be set in their ways but that is not helping the child so if they care for this child they need to make an effort. I think once they started learning they may be shocked but it would open their eyes and then be willing. They need to know by them not making this effort, they are hurting or making it harder for the child. The more everyone is on board the better chance for the child to progress. If they could just take the time to just start observing, learning about the child's likes and dislikes and why. Cognitive, sensory, diets, environment stress etc... It may actually be good for everyone. I know learning about my daughter and autism and sensory etc... really made me wake up and see everything differently. reality check. I have learned so much! My 94 yr old grandmother really learned a lot and it was great. You can give them things to read that you have read that are similar to your child. Let them read stories and blogs of other parent. Have a professional talk to them. Keep trying, even if it takes long than you like, usually people come around.

*treat not tear

I think it stems from my son being from a previous relationship. And my spouse and I have a daughter together who is, for lack of better way to say this, more 'normal'. And my spouse has a lot of the same attitude when it comes to my son. They just don't understand because they've never been around a child like him. And yesterday because of his hyperactivity he accidently hit my mother in law who recently had surgery on her shoulder. And she still takes care of her daughter who has cerebral palsy. How can I help him calm down so he doesn't hurt others or himself? I have considered medication but I will have to travel a couple hours to the nearest bigger city for someone who will tear him at his age. And I'm currently trying to find him a better pediatrician who may be able to help us.