My situation is different as my daughter isn't violent, but she talks about pulling fire alarms, touching baby strollers and pushing neighbor's doorbells late at night.

I assume you control the money. I remind my daughter she won't get something if she steps out of line.

Then there's things like saying the TV, games or smartphone goes if necessary.

I also like to wear her down somewhat by going on long walks in the woods.

I would also add, I have a friend who has a young teen son like that. She is often able to defuse a situation by her calm, quiet reassurance to him. She encourages him to find a coping skill in his toobox. She stands between him and whomever his target is, but not in an agressive way. Just a concerned motherly way. She is the only one I've seen able to defuse him.

I cannot physically control my oldest daughter when she loses control, either. My husband can, but we were told not to get into a physical altercation with her, but to always call the police if she got out of control. Of course, we have a good police force here in our small town, who know her and we trust. I know that isn't everyone's situation. But, it seems better that he learns the serious consequences of physical harm now, while he is still a child, as opposed to later when he will be thrown in jail.