It's always harder for the parents, as your a safe target for aggression. I've learned working with adults that each and every one of our kiddos are master manipulators in their own way, and they've spent their entire life perfecting their craft. It's how they've learned to have their needs met. Then they learn to use it to have their wants met. When I work with adults we have a meeting to discuss any negative behaviors without the sugar coating. Then we outline appropriate behaviors for handling their feelings and establish clear boundaries for negative behaviors. Negative behavior must have a consequence and you have to be firm and consistent. It's important to hear their side out and validate their feelings. But just because they feel something doesn't make it ok. It's not a quick fix and it won't relieve any immediate stress but the process works. I work exclusively with behavioral adults in my group homes. This process takes years sometimes. As a parent it's harder because they already know your boundaries, how to push your buttons and what your response will be, so do something unexpected. If you always take them somewhere because you like it to, get a sitter and go without them. If you always say 5 days but give in at 3 then make yourself go 6 days. Remember during times of punishment to reinforce you love them and their safe, but they crossed a boundary and that is wrong. Also give yourself a break. Sometimes we need to take a breather. Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we question our own actions. And sometimes we just need to cry it out.

Hugs