While I am sympathetic with your friend, and hate to think of a child being rejected, I feel compelled to say that even "typcial" children are frequently not invited to parties to which siblings are invited. I have questions about this situation because it is very easy to feel that your child is being rejected, particularly when your child has autism, but -- occasionally -- this is not the case. Were the siblings of the other children invited? If so, then yes, a discussion with the parents about inclusion is indicated, providing information about kids on the Spectrum. If not, then the explanation to the child is that there will be times when his sibling will be invited to different activities and will be going places without him. It's like the practice that some parents adhere to, where they will give ALL of their children presents on ONE of their children's birthday. Yes, it solves the problem in the short run, but looking ahead, developing an understanding that there will be times when other children are the center of attention is more beneficial. It might help to engage their child with autism in one of his preferred activities on days when his sibling is invited to or participating in an activity in which he is not included. That way, when his sibling gets invited, his reaction will eventually be, "Great! That means mom and I will be going to the park!" (or whatever his preferred activity is).

Does he know that he is on the spectrum? Have the other kids been informed of his differences? This story makes me sad. I would suggest the parents perhaps do something of his interest on that day if possible and try to lighten his burden. Chances are he knows he's different even if he doesn't know there's a name for it. It's such a touchy situation friendships, peers, and self esteem. I'm interested to see what other parents suggest and I do not envy your situation. =c(

I have told my son in a similiar situation that his sister has been invited to a "girl" party and that we while she is there, we would do some fun "boy" stuff instead. This was the truth, as it was a dress up tea party that he would not have enjoyed. I also think this is not a unique situation to our kids and any siblings have to get used to the fact that they are sometimes not invited to the same things. Our special kids just have a harder time adjusting to this.

Your point is well taken that not every kid will be invited to every party. In this situation, the sibling was invited and the child had been invited in previous years. It was explicitly made known that the birthday child did not want this child to attend. As you and lfaulk mentioned before, I gave her the same advice to take the uninvited child and spend some one on one time with him doing something of interest to him and that is what is planning to do. I appreciate everyone's input!

Thanks! Actually its a friend's dilemna that I posted. My son is still young enough and socially has been lucky in the sense that his friends are mostly neurotypical and include him in their activities. He's grown up with the same group of boys since he was 18 months old and were in the same playgroup. In my friend's case, his 'friends' are aware of his differences now. I suggested to her the same thing you mentioned, to do something special with him that day. I'm guessing that is what she'll probably do.