@All on visitation-I can't say this loud enough but....when it comes to children and parents who have accepted and can deal with an autistic child and parents who HAVE NOT accepted it and can't deal with the autistic child....the child is NOT misbehavin like Dennis Leary once said and we all know what happen to him and his television show when some of us parents got through with him.....these children need parents who are going to go "all in" and help even if it hurts....because we can't afford to have caregivers and yes that includes fathers who are clueless

@Visitation that sounds like my baby daddy..lol
Maybe try to explain to your lawyer that it is affecting him and it is becoming an issue for your son's well being and that they should take in consideration what the diagnosis is and that the father has got to obey by the recommendations that the doctors give him to do well saying that some father's just don't want to accept the diagnosis which is fine but as a father maybe it will help if there are familiar things you can send with your baby like a movie or other stuff and maybe if his farther does the same routine that your son is used to.. It can get a little better to make the change easier...I feel for you that can get ROUGH:(

Get everyone you can to document, document, document...

I should say that by the time we talked to the social worker, we were at a crisis point. My daughter had been taken to hospital with severe anxiety & suicidal thoughts. Her therapist made the call to social workers because she felt our daughters anxiety was due directly to her bio-dad's parenting practices (very stern, very abrasive, intimidating, etc).

Taking visitations 'away' wasn't something we took lightly and was 100% the last resort.
We tried to work with him for literally years, and nothing seemed to get through to him. He just can't handle the kids appropriately for more than a few hours.
I don't blame him as he never knew his dad and his mother was 16 when she had him. He just never had a good parental role model. It happens.

Today, they see him on most Sundays, but as they get older they are also wanting one-on-one time with him. This has also worked out fairly well since he doesn't have to deal with sibling issues that way.

My kids now have a good/decent relationship with their bio-dad. A few years ago none of them wanted to go with him at all and my son would literally be kicking and screaming when it was time to go. So for us (and for my ex) losing the overnights was a good solution in the long run. My son said his dad is more like an [involved] Uncle. Someone who comes and takes them out, has fun and brings them home. He is absolutely right. But everyone is happier with this arrangent, so it works for us. A fun, involved 'uncle' relationship is far better than feeling like your dad doesn't care, is always mad at you, etc.

I have wanted my ex to be a more involved parent all along, but like @A MyAutismTeam Member said, you can't force someone to be interested in their child's needs and 'get' them. He left me to make all the decisions as the parent and as the decision maker, I have to decide who & what is helping and who & what is harming.

If you can save the overnights, then by all means do everything you can to save them. Only you know where your family is at. Get more opinions from counselors, family law, special needs advocates, social workers, anyone who has a professional relationship with your child, etc and go from there.

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A MyAutis...

We had a social worker come out and talk to us...after my daughter's anxiety got so bad and her psychologist felt her relationship with her bio-dad was part of the problem.

She recommended not sending the kids there until he has completed a parenting course. We don't have court ordered visits so I was able to do this without too much hassle.

It's not that I thought he was a bad father. I just knew he needed help to get on the same page as my husband and I. It didn't matter we had a routine at home, because after a weekend with their dad, the kids were back to being rowdy, difficult, and yes, bratty even.

It has now been almost 6 years and he still hasn't taken a single parenting class. We lived in a big city until recently and there were plenty of resources. Many were free. So, now my kids only see him for 6 hours a week on average or less. He could have taken me to court to hash it out, but never did. It told me he wasn't that interested anyway.
If he had tried to take me to court, he would have to face the judge and give his excuses to them as to why he never fulfilled this recommendation from a social worker. It wouldn't look good on him and would probably work against him.

This is just how it panned out for us. I know it might be different if you have court orders... but a social worker might be able to help you with legal jargon regarding a "child's best interest" that your lawyer can then use in court. A lawyer that specializes in family law and special needs might be a good start too.

My suggestion is that you approach with caution and if possible, from your ex's side... Let him know of changes you've made at home that weren't easy, that you've also had to swallow some pride (whether its true or not) so hopefully he sees that you're not trying to place blame, but want to work together for your son's sake and also so that he (dad) is enjoying his time with his son as well.

Good luck!! :)