my daughter has been mainstreamed all of her elementary years. she will be a 6th grader next year. Mainstreaming is good, but some subjects she is pulled for. Mainstreaming but have a plan when they can't handle all the distractions and frustrations and they have a place to take a break. Like my daughter when she is frustrated she is able to take a break and come back and or work in another room, computer break brings her back down

My son also has been mainstreamed and has also been receiving speech services and whatever else he needs during the day and is given breaks as needed -he also has adult assistance during the day to keep him on track

My nephew is mainstreamed because they recommended that. It was ok when he was in grade school, but bad in high school, way too much. I think he would have been better in smaller class.

May I ask why you feel it is necessary for him to be 'mainstreamed'? Does he ask about it?
Just trying to get a picture of his environment and your personal reasons, etc.

My son sticks out like a sore thumb with 'regular' kids, so he was picked on right from kindergarten. I came to have very high anxiety while he was at school and panic whenever the phone rang. Always to tell me how he ran off, had a fit, hit someone, etc. He always told me why these things happened but the other kids were good at not getting caught bullying him, so it always seemed like he was the aggressor when in reality they were intentionally pushing his buttons because they thought it was funny when he snapped. I saw it with my own eyes.
So, ironically, I was doing the opposite and trying to get my son out of mainstream classes due to the reasons I mentioned.

They insisted on 'inclusion' being the 'right' thing, but my argument was that he was being effectively excluded (by the children) from being 'included', if that makes sense...he had an aide for some ridiculously small amount of time, like one morning a week...can't remember now. It was ludicrous. It did nothing for him. He needed a full-time aide for those early grades, but the school was definitely trying to put us off.

We ended up homeschooling. My son loves going to his autism club activities and feels much more comfortable and happy around 'his own kind' so-to-speak. If he does go back to school, I will see how it goes but will be ready to fight for him to be 'included' in the spec Ed class if needed.
He also does gymnastics with regular kids and plays outside with the neighborhood kids who are all in school, so he is not completely sheltered! ;)

If school is about academics, then chose what works academically for your son. There are plenty of opportunities to socialize and play with other kids outside the school environment where you can be there to support his social development.

I'm not saying it is always bad to mainstream. A lot depends on the specific teachers involved and how he/she handles kids in general, class sizes, teacher supports, etc.

I would suggest waiting a bit if you are overwhelmed. Grade 4 is not going to make or break him. Get yourself feeling good & confident about why you are fighting for it and go from there. When you KNOW it's the right thing for your child, your 'inner ninja' will return. ;)

Hope you figure something out.

Chloe my heart really goes out to you. I want to reach out and give you a hug through the screen :)
Sounds like you need a reminder that it doesn't stay this hard forever. Which if course you know but we all lose sight of it sometimes. You can do it because you know if you don't nobody else will. Taking action seems so hard when you're in a bad place but once you do it'll feel like a weight has been lifted. You can do it girl! Keep your head up :)