My daugther is 8 and her tantrums started to decrease when I didn't let my emotions feed into them. If I get upset or frustrated she then escalates the tantrum to a whole new level. There is still defiance when I ask her to do certain things but I calmly ask her to make a good choice. I give her the choice not to do the task and say it's fine if she doesn't want to but then she can't do something she likes to do - like play a video game. I tell her to take a minute to think about the kind of choice she wants to make. 99% of the time she does what I ask her to. Hope this helps.

@Cindybertaut thank you for the advice I will more certainly take a look into all the sources you have provided, religion isn't something that I judge someone on by an means so his religion is fine by me. My daughter is three so a child without PDD at that age has tantrums but hers get over accessive which I am sure has happend to us all. The part that is frustrating to me is everyone else around her just gives her whatever she wants when she gets upset which isn't teaching her any positive behavior. She also needs to learn patience as well so I am looking for all methods that might be helpful in helping her to understand both and re-enforce positive behavior. THANKS AGAIN!

take them out of whatever situation they r in and notice the triggers what make him have the tantrums give him a special toy

@myzettel thank you so much for those sites they were very helpful!