For Those With Older Kids/young Adults Diagnosed With (the Disorder Formerly Known As) Asperger's/high-functioning... | MyAutismTeam

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For Those With Older Kids/young Adults Diagnosed With (the Disorder Formerly Known As) Asperger's/high-functioning...
A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

Did your kids ever get to a point where they "blossomed" socially. I realize our kids won't likely ever be "popular," per se, but I'm thinking more in terms of going from having no close friends to having even 1-2 good friends and/or dating. Our son is 12 and likable, but really has no close friends...has never been on a sleep-over and I can count on one hand all the birthday party invites he's had in his entire life. It makes me sad and I hope it's only a matter of time before he cultivates… read more

posted July 18, 2013
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A MyAutismTeam Member

You said it right-they will only have a few good friends. Just keep at it. This year I taught my son how to play pool just for the social component. He will learn ping pong next. We joined a Minecraft Club that met weekly and I keep pushing him to do SOME social stuff.

I have to say that the friends my son found were related to the autism group Phoenix HFA that gets kids together. The second good friend he has he found through scouts.

Both friends have autism. They accept him and don't judge him. I just find that either other kids with autism or siblings of kids with autism are the best potential friends.

Is he using a smart phone? Make him put HIS contacts in and text sometimes or invite others even when he wants to do things alone. Make sure he knows that friendships take time and that he has to keep seeing others he likes.

I do find that having others to come do Minecraft works well too.

posted July 20, 2013
A MyAutismTeam Member

He doesn't have a smart phone...it's always surreal to me how all of his peers have smart phones or iPod Touch devices. He HATES talking on the phone and we can't get him to use e-mail, either. He's never expressed even the slightest bit of interest in any sort of phone. Again, part of his issue is his complete willingness to write. I think we're simply going to have to start pushing him to at least start using e-mail. Left to his own devices he'd be happy to just read, watch TV, and play Lego.

posted July 20, 2013
A MyAutismTeam Member

It's who they are. However, I call my son on it by taking him aside away from ear shot and I tell him. Listen, it's time for you to ask them about what they like. If you don't, people won't want to hang with you.

I know that sounds rough, but you know what, better me than him loosing a good friend or not understanding why people avoid him.

posted July 20, 2013
A MyAutismTeam Member

He's perfectly comfortable talking to people -- anyone and everyone...the problem is that he won't shut up! :p He goes on and on and on and on about his topic of choice and people just don't really know how to respond to that without interrupting or simply walking away. He has no awareness of when others have tired of his talking or would like to change the subject or get a word in edgewise. When we're not there to remind him to take a breath he'll perseverate until the cows come home...and then ramble on to the poor cows. I hate publicly calling him out on this, but he just doesn't know when to quit, otherwise, and I think everyone else is too polite to do so. His dad and I find ourselves cringing when we're in social situations and he's rambling. Do we say something and potentially make him feel bad in an effort to rescue his conversation partners...?

In many ways I wish his peers would simply say "Dane, you're not giving me a chance to get a word in. I have something to say, too." Or "hey, I'm really not interested in Lego, but I do like Doctor Who. Can we talk about that, instead?" Sometimes I wonder if a campaign to get people to not walk on eggshells around ASD kids would go a long way. Our son is definitely a people pleaser, but he just doesn't have a good fix on when his verbal outpourings are excessive. When people flat-out tell him he needs to give someone else a turn he at least is accommodating in the short term. I sometimes think that if he were more continuously reminded to moderate his quantity of speech by everyone if it would "click."

posted July 20, 2013
A MyAutismTeam Member

I think you have to model that by showing him how to approach people.

When my son was very young I had him handle money and that meant he had to talk to the sales person, ask for his size, pay, get change.

At a mall and looking for a store I would have him approach a stranger and ask him to ask them for directions. He could choose anyone and then he would come back to report to me and I would ask him the following questions:

Where they nice?
What did your stomach feel when you talked to them ?
In other words how did you feel around them did they make you feel safe or uncomfortable?

all this was about making him trust his instinct.

Finally what this ended him doing is he is now completely comfortable talking to people in all social situations.

That 's not to say he's not HFA, because he does have a very interesting out of the box way of expressing himself which will not always guarantee friends but he keeps reaching out and does not implode within himself.

I hope that helps somewhat but I guess what i need to tell you is that it's all about practice.

My son has a passion for Kart racing and has been approaching owners of stores asking them how to get them to sponsor him and get their contact info. He's fine with talking to a girl he likes to the old man in a wheel chair.

posted July 20, 2013

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