it is maybe hard to generalize - what are some of the issues you struggle with?

I find that an advantage of being similar to my son is understanding a bit more what the real needs might be. But also understanding a bit more that some things aren't a big deal. In general compared to many parents I feel like I worry more about: learning and practicing social skills, having successful interactions with friends, and learning alternatives to meltdowns and outbursts. I worry less about: diet, sensory needs, stims, eye contact, and whether behaviors are "due to autism." In general I treat my son's autism as a need to focus education in different (social) areas, just as someone who struggles with reading needs extra help with reading.

I felt that "catching up" social skills required more than a few hours per week and so went all out with a great ABA team teaching him in preschool and at home. I take seriously the impact of delayed social development on a kid. I do think as I did he could catch up eventually learning the hard way on his own, but I would not wish that upon him and want him to avoid it.

I also think he could survive mainstream public school, as I did, but again would rather find somewhere he could thrive instead of survive. We are going to try a small private school with lots of social time and self-paced academics. We are privileged I know to be able to opt out like that but I just don't think he will thrive in a large age-segregated environment without good social support. If we hadn't found the right shool or it doesn't work out we might try homeschool. His private school we are trying is homeschool-inspired.

When it comes to teaching academic kind of skills, I think I get my son better than others and can do it in a way he likes (putting information into systems, writing it down, etc). He is starting kindergarten already in the most advanced reading and math groups.

When it comes to teaching social and play skills I was at a total loss. That's where the ABA tutors, who are young adults who love to play with kids, have been so awesome because they show him how to do all that kid play stuff that he didn't naturally understand and I couldn't show him.

It is important to try to see how he's different from me. I think he likes to play and have fun more than I did, which we've encouraged. He has also maybe had more trouble with spoken language.

This is just our "flavor" of autism, sort of the analytical/intellectual classic asperger's thing. But many autistics put far more emphasis on things like sensory differences, anxiety, love of routine, etc so our specifics may not be your family's.

I think an autistic tradition in the family will be great when my son is old enough to ask "what is autism?" and might say something like "it's what people call you and me and grandpa, because we like to focus on facts and stuff and not just people all the time." And we can talk about the advantages and how we each found our way.

There's a memoir on my kindle called "Journal of Best Practices" by David Finch which may speak to your situation but I haven't read it yet. Check out the description and reviews online.

The counseling is a definite must - we have been looking. There isn't much here to choose from - not anyone who has experience in this area. Our pediatrician suggested that we go to one of those 2 day conferences out of town, maybe even out of state because there is nothing here - my husband is willing to go too! But then we have to leave the kids with someone, which is stressful in and of itself! I just wanted to see if anyone had a simular experience since this issue is genetic usually passd down from the father. I just wanted to have a connection with someone who sympathizes or understands. I was hoping to have a moment to vent to someone else before going out of town to an Asperger's retreat - which may not be for months from now, leaving the twins with my 68 year old mom -making all the exhausting arrangements that it takes to leave, hoping that this will give me everything I could hope for to help my son, my husband, our family, my marriage, etc.! You see my desperation? Isn't anyone out there who has the same issue? I just want - no, I NEED to know I'm not alone!

@A MyAutismTeam Member That is some great advice!!

OMG. Yes! I am 99.9% sure that my soon-to-be ex husband is Aspie, as well! Extremely difficult to deal with and it feels like just one more child!