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My 14 yr old son (w/ Aspergers) also has anxiety disorder complete with panic attacks. Since starting medication, the panic attacks have decreased. The school is also working with us on getting him to attend school regularly. He started seeing a general therapist back in mid-August, at the time he told us that he didn't know much about Aspergers but was willing to learn. Our son was comfortable with him & they began working on techniques for getting past the panic. They also worked on… read more
First off, I think you do need to find a new therapist for your son. If he is not willing to learn about your son's condition, he doesn't care about your child. As a parent, when our child is diagnosed with ANYTHING, the first thing we do is read, listen, learn... everything we possibly can about what our child is going through. Why? Because we care and want to understand, we want to know what we can do to help them. If a doctor is not willing to learn about your child, they don't care - not good!
As for the things he says - well, he has a point but his tact isn't there. Yes, children will notice and very early on, if a kid wears the same thing every day. And, in reality, you should eventually try to ease him into a "larger" wardrobe... because, simply put, other kids are BRUTAL. But, that shouldn't be something he's picked-on-into doing. That should be a gradual process that is intimately handled with great rewards for 'trying'. He shouldn't be told anything to make him feel other kids won't like him because of it... that only adds to stress and anxiety when a kid already struggles to "fit" in with the norm. He should feel like he made the decision to do it on his own for HIS OWN reasons. I'd bring it up to him in a gentle way, for example, "If you ever feel like you'd like a different shirt, let me know and we can go to the store and you can pick out whatever shirt you'd like!" It's out in the open now. He knows you'll support him if he wants a different shirt and the option to go buy one is there. Then just wait. When you're at the store you can tell him, "If you see a shirt you like, go ahead and get it." The option is his and his alone. If it takes a week, great! If it takes a year, great!
As for the cussing... this one really, really bothers me a lot. But, I have noticed (and this is advice for all kids, not just children on the spectrum) sometimes ignoring the behavior DOES get them to quit. They want that reaction, good or bad. If there is no reaction, it will sometimes stop. For quite a long time I fought with my then 5 year old over saying bad words he heard on TV (and youtube, we now filter everything he watches!!!) the more I'd yell, beg, plead and bribe him to quit, the more he'd say them. Finally I'd had enough and just flat out told him, "If you say those naughty potty words I won't listen to you. And I won't talk to you again until you say sorry for what you said." And when he'd say them I'd leave the room. I'd leave the house. I'd go to my room and shut the door and lock it. Eventually he realized I wouldn't talk to him or listen to him as long as he said those things and not before he said sorry for it. And one day it completely stopped. Probably took a week but before I struggled for MONTHS. This obviously isn't a one size fits all solution and not everyone is willing to do it. But the idea IS there if it becomes too much of a problem - anything is worth a shot.
@A MyAutismTeam Member Your welcome. Thanks for reminding me to checkout Aspergers Experts.
Thanks @MyAutismTeam users... for your input. It's not going to be an easy break in partnership as this is the first therapist that our son has opened up to. It's a fear of the unknown as well & the transition time in getting him used to someone else.
He did some "research" & asked me if I ever heard of Aspergers Experts (Danny & Hayden, founders.) We told him that yes, we have been on their page & watched some of their videos. Some of what the therapist has been telling us is pretty much straight from AE's videos. Sooo WHY are we paying him to quote YouTube videos ?
I would walk away quickly, and never look back. Would you send your autistic child to a classroom with a teacher that doesn't have knowledge or experience with autism to be taught? Of course not. Therapists are the same. I 100% feel what you are feeling. My oldest son is in need of a therapist for a specific topic. This topic has been accompanied with anxiety and self doubt/worth. Three therapists later, we found THE right one. It's hard, discouraging, time consuming and expensive to switch, but I knew he needed a specialist. Kids in the spectrum need a specialist, so they aren't told something as ignorant about clothing as your son was told. That can potentially add to his anxiety. My son where's all cotton shorts, sweats & t-shirts everyday. He also keeps sandals at school, because he has to wear those daily too. My belief is that they be seen by a specialist, that sees only children with autism. If you can find a specialist that takes your insurance (or you can afford it), why not.m? You shouldn't have to teach a therapist about autism when they are supposed to be helping you guys (at how much an hour?)! We go to a highly rated autism wing/center of the best children's hospital. They only focus on autism. These types of places can be hard to get into, and take longer than you thought to see the dr. But once you're in, you're in. I didn't mind waiting, because they are the best in my state. I'm upset this guy told you he had no desire to get any training to work with autistic patients when he knew your son was all along. He won't state your son has autism in paperwork? Is he trying to cover his ass on paper? The clothing part makes me want to puke. Don't walk away, run!!!!! Good luck, I know it's tough.
@A MyAutismTeam Member Regarding the Aspergers Experts ~ I was really happy when I first found them, but after watching several videos they say a lot of things like ~ Here's what parents are doing wrong. This was helpful until Jack started QUOTING THEM & telling me to go back & watch the video. That along with ~ Danny says,... Don't do this... I told him that the AE are NOT his parents.
One of their latest videos advised parents to ignore their child cussing & threatening them. He said that if we ignore it, the behavior will stop. I've got a big problem with that as I need my son to treat everyone in the household with respect regardless of his issues. We tolerate a lot, but there is a point where he needs to apologize.
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