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Parent With Mental Illness And Child With ASD
A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

I am a mom with depression and anxiety disorder, how do you all handle the rough days? It's hard having a disibility parenting a child who also has a disability. Some days I don't even know how I made it through the day, what do you do to cope to help yourself and your child?

posted October 13, 2016
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A MyAutismTeam Member

I've also taken up coloring!! There are "adult" coloring books, they are just pretty designs, small and intricate, buy yourself a box of colored pencils and an adult coloring book and relax with it.

We also do yoga poses every night while listening to classical music. And most of the day we have some sort of soft music playing in the background, piano, or nature sounds with soft piano melodies. It really helps keep all three of us calm and relaxed throughout the day.

And most of all, look to your child with love and adoration. There is no one or thing in this world that I love and adore more than my children. And when I think about that, it's the best medicine I could ever take.

posted October 16, 2016
A MyAutismTeam Member

A parent with a disability care for a child with one is definitely harder. I don't know your circumstances. I don't know if you are able to get out once in a while to get a break and have someone to talk to (I know I didn't) which would help or support group. Not only talking to and connecting with parents of children with a child that has autism too but also talking to or joining a group with people with the same disability you have. When at home, find things that benefit you, but that maybe both of you could do together. Music, something you both can do in bed. Maybe a puzzle or a movie or show that they will watch while you lay and rest. Coloring, painting etc... If you have a girl, maybe pampering yourselves or pamper yourself while she plays dress up. Dim lights cause bright lights can make it more hyper. soft noise cause louder sounds can also make them more hyper. Put on youtube yoga. Try meditation when they are asleep.

posted October 20, 2016
A MyAutismTeam Member

I color too!! It helps :)

posted October 16, 2016
A MyAutismTeam Member

Hello! I have anxiety disorder and autism, my oldest child has antisocial personality disorder (inherited from his biological father) and my youngest has autism (most likely inherited from me). It's not easy, that is for sure!

But, I think the one thing that has helped me the most is to find a way to laugh at everything and turn negatives into positives, regardless of how small that positive is. For example, when a tree fell on both of our cars one day, I was grateful it did not fall on us, and then I was excited that we'd be forced to get rid of the mustang convertible and get a minivan! We had a tree also fall on the roof once, but it was "Nice! New roofing!" (we have since had all of the trees on our property removed!!!) I know that seems silly or even extreme, but I have to remain positive all day, every day... even when it's hard to do.

Look at all small accomplishments as if they were amazingly large ones, because, they are!! When I get my son to try a new food, and he spits it out on the floor... I don't get upset he spit it on the floor, or that he did not like it, I celebrate the fact he was willing to TRY IT.

Find ways to relate to your child. Let him/her know that you can relate, as well. If they are upset because of this or that, let them know that it upsets you, too. But talk to them about ways you try to manage your unhappiness. You know the best way to learn something is to teach someone else? So teaching your child ways to cope can inevitably teach you how to cope as well!

Probably the best thing you can do for BOTH of you is create a routine. Don't be too rigid with it, always leave room for errors, being late or just forgoing something entirely. But, create a daily routine you can share together. For example, make dinner time the same time every day (or at least try to). At my house, I have an alarm, and my son knows all the alarm sounds well on my phone, that at 6:00 it's time to start making dinner. At 8:00 pm we begin our bedtime rituals. By 9:00 the kids are in bed. And then I take at least 30 minutes to myself... 100% ME time, no cleaning, no worrying, just enjoying myself... I read a book, watch a show, something that is just for me. Every Friday we make homemade pizza. Every Thursday we go to the Public Library. Even if he never reads the books he checks out, we still go every Thursday to check out a book. These little things are not only helpful with creating times we can spend together, something to look forward to... but they also help create that feeling of safety and predictability.

posted October 16, 2016
A MyAutismTeam Member

I understand where you are, I had depression issues and I was diagnosed bipolar. I take meds for it but honestly I could get away without it. I used to see a psychiatrist but having someone tell me about things I already knew just didn't work for me. To add to that the fact that the therapist really couldn't relate because they didn't know much about autism.

For me total acceptance was a huge help because when you don't accept that your life is very different than most. The other thing is that I know what me children are capable of and I do not give myself expectations that are not likely to happen.

The other thing I do is write about autism and have been doing it for 4 years or so and itt really helps me get out feelings and frustrations. I know others are going through what I am and it makes me feel good if I am able to help others by my writing.

I know it is tough, and I still have bad days but my children need me and they need me at my best so I can't let them down.

posted October 13, 2016

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