My son is like that also. When we tell him no or not now, we try to stand our ground and stay calm as yelling just makes it worse. If it escalates into a tantrum - he can go from zero to 100 in seconds - we make sure he is safe, we are safe and allow him get it out of his system because when he is in that state of mind, there is no reasoning with him. If in public, and it is escalating, we leave. Once he gets his frustration out, he is calmer, more receptive, and we can then have a conversation as to why the answer is no or it's not going to happen when you want it to. There are so many variables though. I don't know your son's age or where he is on the spectrum. I do know Its extremely difficult and can be mentally exhausting - that's when we sometimes have to choose our battles.

I said sometimes you have to pick what battles to fight and we try to stay calm and wait for his meltdowns to burn out. But today has been extremely hard, one battle after another with my son and our patience and trying to be rational finally wore down. His attitude all day has been "My way or the highway." " I want it now, now, now! " if it doesn't happen, there is screaming , throwing things, and being horribly disrespectful. We went and got a few fireworks today and were going to light them like we always do, but that is not happening now so he has a mega meltdown. He is 13 years old and is almost as tall as me. I do worry what is going to happen when he is bigger and stronger than me. His maturity level is about 3 years off. I am hoping as he matures mentally things will get more stable. I've been told that is possible for him. He is a good boy and has a big heart. When we have a difficult day I try to remember that.

Thank you for your responses. I feel so isolated in this at times... and it's comforting to know there are others out there dealing with the same challenges, And Elga, that is my fear... how will this play out in the teenage years. I was really hoping someone would comment saying maturity helps with this as they grow older. I can only hope. Thanks guys!

hummm.. well maturity does help..eventually, but the start of the teenage years especially upon starting her monthly cycle were the hardest time for my daughter. I felt like such a failure because nothing I could think f doing to help worked. This was also when she began being violent during a meltdown, and I could no longer calm her with a tight hug as she was stronger than me. The school were useless and would just shout her making her even worse and causing her to run out of school and down the middle of the road in front of oncoming traffic. It was a learning curve and eventually, we worked out how to adjust. She says it's much harder now for her to keep control and says she has to work hard at it all day every day which makes me sad that we live in such a world where she feels this is necessary.

But on the positive side, she has recently started opening up and being her true self with all her random and lovable ways with a wider variety of people in her life. We coached her Nan and a few of her friends who were interested in connecting more fully with her and the growing confidence and self-worth we have seen in her after realising that they love seeing her real self, has been very rewarding. I think reassurance has been key to our daughter to carry on reassuring her that our love for her has not been affected in the slightest by the meltdowns that she cannot control. It's hard letting her see how dark the big bad world can be out there and squashing my overwhelming desire to protect her from it all. But she adds so much to our lives, I can honestly say I would not wish her any other way. Like having a family member with a chronic illness, her ASD is not who she is, it's just part of what she awe-inspiringly endures and contends with every minute of every day. The difference between her interests and those of her peers has grown significantly during the teenage years but this has never bothered her as she loves adult company with friends & family just as much. I think the problem is a lot of time not letting our own worries & anxieties show on our faces and in our own body language.

Feel free to message if I didn't answer your question correctly. Well done and all the best!

I would say that instant gratification has been one of the worst things I've had to deal with with my twins sons and I will admit I gave him a lot when they were much younger and now at age 11 I'm really trying to turn things around because I'm realizing that teenage years are just around the corner and meltdowns look a lot uglier on a teenager than they do on a little boy so I have been slowly working on it and I must say it has not been easy but I try not to use the word know I usually say it's just not going to happen right now that is not possible right now we will talk about it later when you are calm that sort of thing but yes that is probably one of the most challenging things I am experiencing