I think you're going to have to get a lawyer that specializes in special needs. Once you meet w/ them you'll feel much better and won't worry so much about not sending him because you'll feel you'll have someone on your side who understands. I wish you all the best. I've been through this many years ago and I totally understand what you're going through

I would just keep doing what you're doing in order to get him there until they okay the IEP. I would try rewarding him for the days he goes-buy him his favorite dessert, toy, etc

they are going forward with the IEP but I am worried about what is going to happen over his missed days and getting him to school i have exspressed to them the struggle to get him to school but i dont know they just seem uninterested

I would still push for the IEP because that will be helpful to him. Tell them what you are going through with getting him to school. If you have to are there any professionals that your son sees outside of school ? Maybe even the professional who diagnosed him can help push for the IEP

Does your son have an IEP? You probably are going to have to address the issue as to why they suspended him and the trigger of the meltdown. Does your son know what triggered the meltdown? You should call an IEP Meeting to address this and place supports for your son to prevent future meltdowns and what they need to do when he has a meltdown,etc. You can ask professionals to come to the meeting in support of your son. This is only if he has an IEP. If you should continue to have trouble sending him to school you can try a Child Psychologist as they are good about getting the child to open up about why they don't like school,etc.