I escorted my 2 sons to a sleepover, and one of the kids commented that he was glad that one of my sons came because he is nice and calm. He was referring to Ryan's several outursts and persistence over video games. He was being sincere,as kids are, but I told him that it was a little rude that he made the comment. I chose not to try and explain autism to him, because… read more
We live in a culture where courtesy is not easy, let alone manners in court. Yet we still, fortunately have the Golden Rule, but is being traded for the Fools Golden Rule: Do to others SO they will do to you. Manners begin at home, and in our Hood, parents inform one another what was the experience with their child. "We're working on that..." is an excellent response from both the Dr, the Teacher, the Caregiver and the Butcher.
The Day we dismiss rude behavior and say, "Oh well..." is the day we stand on the bow of the Titanic. In the words of Churchill, "Never, never, never never give up."
I still separate the person's behavior from their worth. In our family, we say,"When you said_____, it made me feel____. I would appreciate____." This acknowledges the behavior, and suggests a different response.
[Spectrumites] are different, not less," Dr Temple Grandin says.' We [On the Spectrum] just think differently.'
Hope this helps, @A MyAutismTeam Member!
In my opinion, it is important to use the label "autism" and educate, but to simplify it for kids. When I have had encounters like this, I have explained that my daughter has autism, so her brain doesn't work the same as other people's, and it is hard for her to know how to be a friend(or be calm, or whatever the issue is). I think it is important to acknowledge the truth, especially in the situation where it is kids not intending anything bad, but to educate. You could even say "when you say that you may hurt his feelings," or "(your child) likes to be included too, even though it is harder for him to act the way you expect because he has autism."
My PhD introduced a social guideline, TMI, to me a little while ago. Too Much Information. As an Aspie, I can easily get long winded and loose my audience. A decade ago, a good friend gave me 2 minutes to make my point. Now, I operate on The Red Light, Green Light principle. First 30 seconds are free, or Green. Second 30 seconds are Yellow. After 1 Minute, A Leading Question is asked, so the Listener Becomes a Talker. I speak at about 100 Words/MInute. "Autism allows my brain to think in a focused channel, so it doesn't understand facial expressions, which have TMI, too well. I also don't speak sarcasm, as it's not straight forward. I think in Pictures, but most think in words. Thank you for understanding!" (93 words=55.8 seconds)
Try books, kids are used to learning from them - The Autism Acceptance Book: Being a Friend to Someone with Autism by Ellen Sabin; Since We're Friends: An Autism Picture Book by Celeste Shally, David Harrington (Illustrator); My Friend with Autism by Beverly Bishop, Craig Bishop (Illustrator); My Friend Has Autism by Amanda Doering Tourville and Kristin Sorra; A Friend Like Simon - Autism / ASD (Moonbeam childrens book award winner 2009) by Kate Gaynor and Catriona Sweeney, etc. There are tons more, and more being written every day.
I have used those explinations in situations before, but it leads to so many questions from the kids and parents that I don't always have time to explain. Hopefully it will lead others to research and create awareness. I am a walking billboard for awareness, but I don't always have the time. I was just wondering if someone had come up with a quick child- friendly lingo. Thanks for sharing. Your explination has made me revisit my patience. I feel like sometimes it gets lost. It sounds like you have shared this experience a few times. I guess we all will at some point.