Have Any Of You Reached The Point Where You Have Stopped Mourning The Life You Imagined Your Child WOULD Have Had If Not For Autism? | MyAutismTeam

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Have Any Of You Reached The Point Where You Have Stopped Mourning The Life You Imagined Your Child WOULD Have Had If Not For Autism?

A MyAutismTeam Member

I remember the exact moment I stopped mourning. About 2 years ago, I was watching a group of mothers at my son's school playground chatting and lamenting about their kids and the typical social drama that they were going through. It hit me that he does not judge people at all in that way and he never will. I admired that about him. And I let go of that imagined child's life and dove fully into what is gratefully here :-)

posted January 7, 2012
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215 replies
A MyAutismTeam Member

That is so beautiful . The last bit there really touched my heart . Too many perents never get to this stage and often when they do its too late and there's resentment festering all over the place . For me it's sort of different . The worry is more the stupid response from others who don't get it . I'm myself diagnosed with asberges I would agree it makes for a less jugmental nature and it should be more celebrated because nice people autism or not is a wonderful thing

posted July 9, 2019
A MyAutismTeam Member

@All-I as the grandmother kinda sorta have, but my daughter....never

posted April 17, 2019
A MyAutismTeam Member

I don't think anyone can top that, @A MyAutismTeam Member..... :)

posted March 15, 2019
A MyAutismTeam Member

Good question . I think deep down stupid society rules pulls you back like if u see them act out "un proper " who acts proper all the time any way . That's the thing I stop and think and catch myself and go muh it is what it is 😛

I recoll plenty of times I must have embarrassed my family members or friends lol but at the time I was ublivious . Looking back it must have been a sight !
I think it's not trying to change the fact they have autism but when a perent or friend calls it out . It's coming from a good place usually . Like oh if he's or she is too loud then others will pick on him / her then they won't make friends then they will lose self esteem then they will not get job then they will be poor then they will do drugs or prostitution to earn money to live and eventually die because of drug overdose or a pimp kills them in a brutal murder . This is how much worry unessary can lead then can lead to making said child anxious . That lead to depression that lead to a rubbish life or suicide .

Real stuff tragic stuff . So to all the perents with autistic kids including myself who has asberges . Think twice let go off the hang ups judgments don't even waste time thinking about it coz at the end of the day even "normal " people get bullied . Young old , gay straight ugly beautiful x

Let's just all work towards non judgmental world and die happy :) xx

posted October 24, 2018
A MyAutismTeam Member

Not yet, I still haven't reached that point

posted October 21, 2018
A MyAutismTeam Member

Yes . It is better to see through the eyes of a child not the way others want to see them . That way they can know even if world is against them . They are loved

posted September 9, 2018
A MyAutismTeam Member

Yes. This came early for me, with my seeing in him his strengths, incredible [savant] abilities, his spirit, and what I feel is a pure nature. Try to forget preconceived hopes and goals for him; see him as he is, like most ASPs and Autistics, likely an amazing person. I love what Bryan wrote above; "Yes. Mourning passes and pragmatics take hold. We must put our feelings and emotions aside and be practical and logical as much as possible."

However, ENDURING are the flashbacks that daily crash in invading each day, of incidents which severely wounded him, which cut to the quick. I think these too would go if he could accept help for resultant PTSD and feeling inadequate, a failure, from them. And if he could find friends to end his lifelong loneliness. He has been stuck for several years, unable to try any more. See this causes his sister and me daily angst.



posted February 23, 2018
A MyAutismTeam Member

You have to stop thinking about could've/would've/should've and start thinking about what is.

Giving my son B vitamins helps him, and seeing the progress he's making gives me a sense of accomplishment. Sure, I wonder what Tyler would've been like as a "normal" child, but I've gotten used to his quirks.

posted July 11, 2017
A MyAutismTeam Member

I have never mourned that my daughter is different. I feel fortunate that this is our challenge rather than many of the much worse situations that many parents face. Also, she has such a beautiful soul and a happy, giving attitude. I choose to embrace these things that many "normal" people lack, rather than dwelling on what isn't there. But, that doesn't mean that I don't wonder what her life and mine would have been like if she was like a typical child. Wondering is part of being human, but it doesn't necessarily mean regretting or mourning.

posted June 29, 2017
A MyAutismTeam Member

Yes, and No. I absolutely love my son the way he is, but, sometimes I mourn what isn't likely in typical adult relationships.

posted June 14, 2017

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