I remember the exact moment I stopped mourning. About 2 years ago, I was watching a group of mothers at my son's school playground chatting and lamenting about their kids and the typical social drama that they were going through. It hit me that he does not judge people at all in that way and he never will. I admired that about him. And I let go of that imagined child's life and dove fully into what is gratefully here :-)
I'm "down the road" a few years with Ryan's diagnosis, and feel much less grief than I used to. I did go through the grief process at first, and allowed it. I didn't embrace it, but I accepted it and got through the worst of it. Now, I only grieve for about 24 hours after his evaluations, and allow myself to really wallow around in it(I have a pity party), then I feel better the next day.
Also, I learned to live in the moment, and in each day, so I dont project what Ryan's life will be like in the future because I dont have a clue! I learned it isn't worth dying a thousand deaths over stuff that hasn't even happened yet. I wont know what he will be able to do/or not do until he is grown, so I leave it alone, and work on today.
Peace be with you, and thank you for your question. (hugs)
I think that's normal. You can "what if" everything in your life, including your kids'... People have asked me what our plan is when he gets older (18+) - can he live on his own? can he hold a job? will he still need help?...
The same thing I tell them is the same thing I tell myself - I can make myself sick with wondering about the "what ifs" and "whats going to happen". Bottom line, it happened and we will take everything that comes at us by the horns and push through - it's all you can do. :)
Yes but it took me 14 years before I realized and accepted that Ryan is exactly the way he is supposed to be
Before J was even born, I had this almost overwhelming epiphany that everything he was ever going to be was already there inside him. My job was to help him find it and make the most of it. So, although I get sad for him and how hard things are for him, I've never really felt he lost anything with his diagnosis. It didn't change him, who he is. He is still the same kid he was when he was born. If anything he's better because every day he gets closer to being who he was meant to be from the moment he came to be.
There is a line in a book I really like, "you didn't accomplish everything your parents dreamed for you either." A lot of times we think our kids should do everything we did and everything we wish we would have done. We need to accept the things they are good at (10 Things Every child with Autism Wishes you Knew by Ellen Notbohem)