Have Any Of You Reached The Point Where You Have Stopped Mourning The Life You Imagined Your Child WOULD Have Had If Not For Autism? | MyAutismTeam

Connect with others who understand.

sign up Log in
About MyAutismTeam
Powered By
Real members of MyAutismTeam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

Have Any Of You Reached The Point Where You Have Stopped Mourning The Life You Imagined Your Child WOULD Have Had If Not For Autism?

A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

I remember the exact moment I stopped mourning. About 2 years ago, I was watching a group of mothers at my son's school playground chatting and lamenting about their kids and the typical social drama that they were going through. It hit me that he does not judge people at all in that way and he never will. I admired that about him. And I let go of that imagined child's life and dove fully into what is gratefully here :-)

posted January 7, 2012
View reactions
A MyAutismTeam Member

I'm "down the road" a few years with Ryan's diagnosis, and feel much less grief than I used to. I did go through the grief process at first, and allowed it. I didn't embrace it, but I accepted it and got through the worst of it. Now, I only grieve for about 24 hours after his evaluations, and allow myself to really wallow around in it(I have a pity party), then I feel better the next day.

Also, I learned to live in the moment, and in each day, so I dont project what Ryan's life will be like in the future because I dont have a clue! I learned it isn't worth dying a thousand deaths over stuff that hasn't even happened yet. I wont know what he will be able to do/or not do until he is grown, so I leave it alone, and work on today.
Peace be with you, and thank you for your question. (hugs)

posted January 10, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

I think that's normal. You can "what if" everything in your life, including your kids'... People have asked me what our plan is when he gets older (18+) - can he live on his own? can he hold a job? will he still need help?...
The same thing I tell them is the same thing I tell myself - I can make myself sick with wondering about the "what ifs" and "whats going to happen". Bottom line, it happened and we will take everything that comes at us by the horns and push through - it's all you can do. :)

posted January 8, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

Yes but it took me 14 years before I realized and accepted that Ryan is exactly the way he is supposed to be

posted January 8, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

Before J was even born, I had this almost overwhelming epiphany that everything he was ever going to be was already there inside him. My job was to help him find it and make the most of it. So, although I get sad for him and how hard things are for him, I've never really felt he lost anything with his diagnosis. It didn't change him, who he is. He is still the same kid he was when he was born. If anything he's better because every day he gets closer to being who he was meant to be from the moment he came to be.

posted January 9, 2012
A MyAutismTeam Member

There is a line in a book I really like, "you didn't accomplish everything your parents dreamed for you either." A lot of times we think our kids should do everything we did and everything we wish we would have done. We need to accept the things they are good at (10 Things Every child with Autism Wishes you Knew by Ellen Notbohem)

posted January 13, 2012

Related content

View All

Experiences Of GFCF Diet, Does It Help?

A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

Help Ex Wont Give My Son His Meds.

A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

Angel Sense

A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭
Continue with Facebook
Continue with Google
Lock Icon Your privacy is our priority. By continuing, you accept our Terms of use, and our Health Data and Privacy policies.
Already a Member? Log in