Consulted my wife on this one because she has led the charge for our son since the first IEP meeting. First and most important! BE HIS ADVOCATE AND BE READY FOR A FIGHT. Now I'll take the caps lock off and elaborate...

Best case scenario: You school is prepared and motivated to help in anyway they can - And they're still human beings doing a job. They might even care about your child and his/her issues, but they still have a bunch of other kids to deal with. Bottom line, no one care about your kid like you do!

Worst case scenario (And unfortunately, all too common): You walk into a cold room, sit in a tiny chair and listen to apathetic, inexperienced (yet condescending) "Professional Educators" insinuate that your child's issues are somehow your fault and then do as little as required.

Here's the good news! The law is actually on your side in this case! Be assertive. Be insistant and don't back down. The school is required to follow the IEP to the letter (not that you won't have to make sure they're doing it, because you will).
Staying on the positive for a minute, it's entirely possible that you'll actually have a motivated team that's enthusiastic about doing everything they can for your child (I've seen it happen. It's pretty inspiring). So hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Some things that can be included in your child's IEP:

Focus breaks - If your son or daughter gets anxious or just can't sit for 45 minutes straight during a class period, it can be written into the IEP that he/she needs to have a break of a certain period of time every 15/20/30 minutes or whatever is necessary.

Modified testing - Some kids on the spectrum have a very hard time with essays, this part of tests can be given verbally. Other ASD kids have trouble with multiple choice when there are too many options, this can be limited to 3 choices.

Fidgets - Our son had a lot of success with small objects to occupy his hands, and something to put his feet on.

Occupational Therapy - This is a huge topic on it's own, but it's something that should be discussed (if relevant).

If you have a case manager, they can/should be present to help with this process. In most cases, they've been through this process many times and can be a great resource. If you don't have a case manager, look into getting one. They're a great resource for much more than IEPs.

Lastly, take a deep breath and try to relax. You CAN do this. Once you're in the room (even a cold apathetic one) it often becomes second nature once you let your instincts kick in. Go in with an open mind. Expect to find a group of people interested in creating a team to guide your child through his education efficiently and effectively. If, however, you find yourself in that tiny chair being lectured - don't take their crap! Be assertive and don't back down. If you're not a pushover, you'll get what your child needs.

Resources: As always, the Autism Society and Autism Speaks are great resources for info. I've found several IEP guides that walk you through the process, including one I recently wrote about on our blog from Goodwin Procter LLP (Here's the link to the article on Autism Speaks: http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/too...).

Stay strong! Together we're raising the next generation of Albert Einsteins, Thomas Jeffersons and Beethovens.

Also, Nolo.com has IEP books for like $20, I'd get one, and check out Wrightslaw.com while you wait for it to arrive.

You need to be prepared what does he need to accomplish his goals what do you want him to accomplish, the smallest thing to largest. do be afraid to ask for what you feel he needs. Also I know it is hard but try to leave your emotions at the door when you walk in. Remember you all are suppose to be a team. they are not the boss- you all equals

Tom gave great details. I was clueless as to what to expect. However I was lucky. I have a great school district and they too are advocates for my son and they see we are a team & a united front to help my son succeed. I have heard both sides of the coin. However once your child has been evaluated and diagnosed you will have free support until they graduate high school.

I have found that unfortunately the teachers receive little training on dealing with autistic children, and thus they too learn as they go. Some are do not have the temperament and you have to be the advocate and have your child moved to a class appropriate for your child. They may also "take the easy route". Example: my son does not like to participate in PE, so they would just allow him to play on the computer for 30 minutes. That did not teach him anything. So I requested they require him to participate for 15 of the 30 minutes, then he could earn a reward...a compromise. After all, it is his social skills that are lacking and need improvement.

Another example of where we compromised: I felt with each outburst he had in class, he should write an apology on the white board to his teacher and his class during recess(very old school discipline, but I felt would work for him) but the district felt that would be too humiliating for him. They only want positive reinforcement.

Go in strong, positive and know you are representing your child and you should leave knowing you did all you could to get them all the help you could at that moment. Also know that it is reviewed and adapted as the child changes.

The first IEP meeting is usually a breeze because you tend to agree with everything the team says. Be sure to get specific details on when your child will receive in-school therapies like Speech and OT, and push for him to have one-on-one Speech and OT (if appropriate) otherwise they will just lump him in with the class and he won't really be getting any extra help. It's all the IEP meetings that come after this that you'll have to have an advocate or disability lawyer for. It is an unfortunate tendency for IEPs to not be followed, and you're the one that has to keep the school accountable. Stay on them! But for the first meeting, just be nice and establish a good rapport with everyone.