I agree with May. You have to considered your child unique way of being to match him with the program that is best suited for him. For what you are saying he has have great progress since he started daycare and they do have the aba therapy.... so... i shouldn't rule out though the possibility and i would ask for a tour in your school district school possibilities.

There is no "one-size-fits-all" solution for our children. It certainly must have been upsetting to have someone talk to you like that. Remember that you know your child best. ABA is the top notch standard of care for ASD kids. It sounds like you have a great situation for your son. If it would make you feel better, you can always request a visit to the other program. I think you would get a good idea of what functioning level the other children there were. I would always try to match the functioning level of children as closely as possible.

First off don't beat yourself up over this, you have not hurt him in any way. You chose what you felt was best at the time. You need to look at the whole picture. Has he learned things this year? It sounds like he has if he was able to stay in daycare with his peers. You can not base it just on language because the way they pic up language varies so much. I have two son's on the spectrum both have followed the same educational path until 1st grade. My oldest had minor speech delays and really couldn't be picked out in a class full of kids. My middle son didn't speak at all until he was 4 and even then only spoke in 1-2 word phrases. If I were you I'd visit the ASD program to see if it was something you were interested in but if you are happy with his daycare setting and he has ABA in place I wouldn't worry about it. Intervention is the key but intervention comes in many ways and one way is not right for everyone. I'm glad the other parent has met with success in the other program but that doesn't mean he should condemn your choice.
By the way my boys attended a church run daycare until Kindergarten and I now have 1 in 5th grade in a gifted class with a 504 plan for his autism and another in a 3rd grade inclusion classroom with an aide to assist(he did do some time(1/2 of kindergarten and all of 1st grade)in a self contained classroom.) Both make the honor roll every report card and have many friends.

ABA has research to support its effectiveness in helping kids with ASD. The effectiveness of your county's ASD program is unknown. It could very well be a decent program, but don't feel guilty about choosing ABA. I've been trying to get ABA for my daughter pretty much since her diagnosis 2 years ago and it's only now that it's finally looking like it will get covered through our insurance.

Perhaps have a meeting with the BCBA and go over what your child has been able to accomplish in the past year. If they don't keep track of all the programs or if you are not impressed, then perhaps time for change. We opted for normal preschool half day and 1 on 1 VB/ABA at home. Each child is different but we found that setting worked great for us. May not be true for others.