When confronted with the least problem he gets defensive and some times out of control.I turn to comforting him until he is past the anger.The comfort comes when he has really gotten out of control.
So, what I have learned is to 1.) never raise my voice...as I go up, he goes up. 2.) while he is stressing I remind him that I love him 3.) if you are punishing him, ask him what should be done...I often say, what kind of mom would I be if I let you do X. How do you think you should be punished because you know X is wrong.
My son gets so outta control he can be extremely violent. In my experience while he begins to melt we leave him alone. If u consistently try to soothe or talk to him he loses it. If they aren't harming themselves or others or damaging property I would give him a breather. It helps my son tremoundsly
I use music and hugging, or back rubbing or head rubbing