This post makes my heart sad. There's always something to praise someone on. But let me try and illuminate some things for you, what I see reading about your difficult child.

First of all- nail biting. If your child has nails that short that they are bleeding- or there are no nails left (though I would have to see it to beleive that. I have a hard time understanding what you mean when you write. Sorry.) it is a stim that is being used to regulate out-of-control sensory input.

I'm a nail-biter. I bite because I don't like the feel of them long, and it helps me regulate my sensory processing. On most days, it is under control, where they are short, but not causing me pain. HOWEVER, when I am uber-stressed, or have been to a major social event, then I will bite them to the point that they need to be bandaged cause the air hits them and it hurts like heck. I don't 'usually' have a nail bleed, but it's happened once or twice before. It took me years of analyzing my own behaviors, and thinking about my life before I started compulsive biting, but I actually figured out that it was a stress-regulating behavior, before I knew I was autistic. So if your daughter's nails are bleeding, please, pay attention to how much she is socializing, what environments she is in before, and work to eliminate or help process those stressors.

In general, with the power struggles (not swallowing) and lying, I read your account, and I see a little girl struggling to regulate stress and functioning. Which play off of one another. Really focus on minimizing the stress anyway you can. Even the lying, she might have movement sensitivities (I do) and that makes chores like cleaning up pure Hell. She might be lying because she feels this sensory stress, but can't bring herself to verbalize it, or doesn't want to disappoint you. one thing about those that thrive on praise, we also really, really fear disappointing those we love.

I really wish I knew your daughter, so I could tell you how to look at some aspect and find things to praise, but I'm afraid you will have to do that yourself. I hope what I've said is helpful. I know, parenting a child like me isn't easy, but it's so much better once stressers are eliminated, and regulated.

hugs momma! I know you love your little ones- both of them- just remember that for every behavior, there is a reason.

And this is just what I know from my own life. I might be off, but I do hope that I'm not so that your daughter can get the help from you that she needs. Oh, and no matter what you think about stressers, if they are causing that stress, just try and eliminate it for just a little bit, and see if her behavior improves. Also, possibly look into Pathological Demand Avoidance, as parts of PDA tend to show up in ASD proper too

Every parent has reached a breaking point at least once, I would suggest some outside help with this, parent therapy can offer you more ways to cope than I can. Therapy is needed for us as adults so we can understand more and they can offer ways to deal with the new things that have come and the things that will come. The path is a very rewarding but hard one, hang in there.

What I would do is take her to an experienced homeopathic doctor; I can understand how worried and tired you must be. As a student and patient of homeopathy I think it would be the most practical route, as homeopathy looks at the whole person, not just single symptoms separately, like traditional therapies do.