Got a note from preschool today that my almost 3 year old bit a kid's back today. She said he has been doing this the past two weeks when he gets angry. Anyone dealt with this before? I had a talk with him. Is this a phase or will it get worse?
Yes, though my son lacked the ability to understand receptively too much, and unable to express himself verbally. We worked through it and now biting almost never happens any more. The biggest tool in my toolbox was basically to be very vigilant and try to always block before the bite occurs. Simply being able to bite in and of itself is reinforcing. If the child is unable to bite, nearly every time, it becomes less and less 'successful' as a tactic. For my son, we would set up situations or allow situations where he would be prone to bite and then block his attempts completely. At the same time we would block him without giving any attention whatsoever, meaning no words, no eye contact. He would get angry. Once he didn't get to bite and situation quieted down, I would remind him what the more appropriate response would be - drawing a picture of a stick figure biting and say "that hurt your brother. no bite. it made him sad" with a sad face and then on other side draw picture of a stick figure doing the right reaction - i.e., quiet hands, saying "i feel angry", or asking politely, etc. rather then to bite. with a smiling face. for my son it was always access or escape driving the behavior. the flip side of this was that when he did a reaction that wasn't to bite, i would over praise it in that moment. like "great job saying 'i'm angry'!!" or "thank you for using nice hands" etc. its complicated and lengthy. nothing happens overnight. but the hard and fast rule i've learned is that we reinforce whatever behaviors we give attention to. in the moment if its an undesired behavior - i block - and remain unreactive other wise, and over praise the better behaviors.
My son went through a short phase of biting, but when he got worked up or frustrated, he would bite items that were in front of him, it lasted about two weeks. I gave him a chewy to bite instead, that helped. If he would go for other items I would direct him to the chewy. Once he started using the touch chat (audio device) on his iPad a lot of his frustrations went away.
My daughter is pretty aggressive when she gets upset and also bites we have been getting to her level and telling her when don't hurt when we get mad it's working great. Typical kids I would say yes it's a phase with our kiddos you never know which way it will go best of luck!
When talking to your child, did you talk about how else he could cope with anger? Either something at the school triggered an immediate reaction, or something triggered a build-up leading to a reaction.