Having a second child will affect his sibling, unfortunately this is unavoidable. My 17 yr. old has ADHD & is borderline Autistic, but without cognitive impairment. My 10 yr. old is level 3 Autistic, non verbal & requires constant support throughout the day. My older son has expressed anger & cried over the fact that our lives are ruled by his little brother’s needs. When my husband & I are gone the responsibility of feeling he needs to make sure his brother is cared for properly is a huge emotional stressor. No parent wants to burden their adult child with the huge responsibility of caring for their sibling for the rest of their life. This is a very emotional process to go through for a family as a whole & each family member is affected with their own feelings. This is something you should know when making your decision.

If I were in your situation I would base my decision on your age & current health status. I surprisingly got pregnant & had my second child at 41. Not to scare you, but I hemorrhaged and almost died from giving birth, had to have a large blood transfusion. My situation is fairly rare, but I just wanted to share this if age is of any relevance to your situation.

It’s a very personal decision for each family, & every Autistic child is different. Hope this helps, I know it’s a very hard decision & I wish you the best.

Hi good evening dear I also have a non verbal autistic son ,he's 5 and it hasn't been easy all this years .I'm also also in the same boat as you...but we sincerely your child will need another sibling even though is just one more I'm also planning on one more...although my fiancee is not in support of having just one more only...buy he just have to accept it cos I'm not going for more than one....it won't be easy but you can do it...because your child will need an help mate tomorrow and that person will be your second child...you won't be there always. A hug for you.....😊😊🥰🥰

Our daughter was born in 2010 and was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD in 2015. Our son was born in 2011 so we didn't know autism was an issue at the time. He has no signs of ASD. Another factor is age of the mother and father. I was 46 at the time and my wife was 36. I wish I had known about that and I would have kids earlier as most fathers aren't warned about that. I just read that the best ages for women to have a baby is between 23 and 32.

To those who thinks genetics don't play a part consider our experience. My wife's sister also has an ASD daughter who has pretty severe ASD. Her husband is older than me but they live in Germany so it has nothing to do with a similar environmental cause.

Then there's a big question if my daughter ever wants to have a baby. She's in the middle of the spectrum. I've only read about one other woman online who said she had a baby and was similar in capacity to care for a child.

Parents who have a child with autism have about a 1 in 5 chance of having a second child with autism, a far greater risk than previously believed, new research shows.

https://archive.nytimes.com/well.blogs.nytimes.....

Parents who have a child with ASD have a 2 to 18 percent chance of having a second child who is also affected.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-statistics-asd

I have a 23 year old daughter, cognitively above average, socially well adjusted and a 22 year old son who was diagnosed high functioning autistic before preschool. His OCD and anxiety are a much more pervasive problem and he has taken massive amounts of many different medications over the past fifteen years. He's also 6'9 and 300 pounds so control was always on our minds. My husband and I were both teachers which, I suppose, made things a little easier in our household. I was 37 when we planned our daughter and I had a difficult pregnancy so soon after she was born, my husband had a vasectomy. A few weeks later, surprise, I found out I was pregnant again! (You can get pregnant several weeks after a vasectomy???). From the day of his diagnosis, we made it a point to assure our daughter that he was not, and would never be, her responsibility. Their father died suddenly a few years ago and she came home from college. I talked to her then and explained (again) that there was a trust fund for his future care, probably in a group home, and other than being a loving sister, he was not her responsibility.

I've been told recently that had I been a better mother, her brother wouldn't be having so much trouble in the world today. You know, I should have required of him what I required of her, treated them the same, not played 'favorites', I spent more time with him than her. No matter what we did, no matter what we said, she still feels responsible and angry. Remember, she's 24 and in school to be a teacher like her parents so she's knows everything. I can only hope I didn't sound like this when I was her age.

But, she's right. I didn't treat them the same. They aren't the same. No two children are treated the same in any family. We can only do our best to divide up what we have to give.

You have to consider your health: do you have what it will take to (possibly) care for these two children over the long term? If not, then it would be selfish, you would be thinking about your own happiness for the moment, not theirs.

You have to consider your resources: it cost money, time and energy to raise children like this. The prescriptions alone can be staggering. As you already know, every waking minute of every day, is about the child you have now. It can drain every drop of energy you have sometimes. Do you have enough for two? Or do you give everything you have to the one you have now?

Some people can do it. Just remember, you have a choice. This hasn't been put on you unexpectedly. Can you give the love and care to two children and take care of yourself as well? Or are there other reasons you want another child? Why is your heart aching?

Talk to someone professional before you make any decisions. It's always up to you in the end.