Also, if there’s a particular thing they are doing wrong I will download and use a “social story” to explain a better way to handle that thing. I do this everyday for a little while, when no one is upset.

Well...Discipline...
With My Son, it was and continues hard to discern if His actions were Intentional or not, and if He even realized what He'd done and would be able to understand the affect of His actions.
It's really only a choice that a Parent or Guardian is capable of making.

My kids are 7yo. The first thing I do is check myself - my frustration might be causing an unnecessary power struggle which is bad for everyone and sets a bad example. Second, I try to understand what my kids need - I ask if they need a break, and if so (sometimes I use a sign like a hand sign for break because even tho mine are moderately verbal if they are overstimulated or stressed they may forget to use words), then I say Ok take a 3-minute break and we’ll try again, and I back off. When I come back I say I feel better, can we try again? Many outbursts, repeated behaviors, or bits of aggression are due to the frustration of not being able to get what they need. I really try to remember this because the kids can’t just fall in line and follow commands immediately, and they will act out if their needs aren’t met. If they are demanding something I make sure they know I hear/understand what they need (if its a nonverbalized need I try to guess “I think you want more mac & cheese, but its all gone. Let’s take a break and think of something else you might want”).

This book is helpful as well, the counting method gives them a chance to recognize they need to participate in rules. https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Discipline-E...

Lastly I am careful to talk about the “choices” they make, and if I get upset it is not because I am angry at them, it is because of the choice they made. I always try to remember to give them a good alternative choice they can make when they are acting out. I am hoping this allows them to maintain self esteem, and frankly it helps me stay calmer, and lastly I hope they don’t just recognize me as an obstacle in this already difficult world. ❤️

1-2-3 Magic: Gentle 3-Step Child & Toddler Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting (Positive Parenting Guide for Raising Happy Kids): Phelan PhD, Thomas: 9781492629887: Amazon.com: Books

https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Discipline-Effective-Parenting/dp/149262988X/ref=asc_df_149262988X?tag=bingshoppinga-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80539280274493&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=m&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4584138858055563&psc=1

First thing is the diagnosis the psychological side and the behavioral side and the social side

It depends with my son (who IS verbal). He usually only gets aggressive when he’s tired or understimulated. He doesn’t usually hit people, it’s mostly running away or having a meltdown. He doesn’t want to clean up, change his Pull Up (even if he’s poopy), or wait a bit to take a bath (he wants it the very moment he asks, and sometimes it isn’t possible). If he’s tired, I take him up to his room, where I have blackout curtains, or if he’s understimulated, I try to play with him. So, at least the first step is to try to figure out WHY he’s being aggressive. Is he over or understimulated? Is he tired? Is he having trouble transitioning to a different activity that he maybe just doesn’t like? Is he hungry? The times that I can’t figure out what’s going on with my son, and he’s having a meltdown, I will take him to his room to calm down. I’ve done my best to teach him that if he needs to do it, then his room is the appropriate place. Sometimes he will start getting upset, and runs up to his room by himself. I also keep the things in his room to a minimum. He has stuffed animals (that won’t hurt or damage anything if thrown) and a small bucket with some sensory balls, 2 little ice cream vans, and some soft plastic Pajama Mask characters, nothing with lights or sounds. He can break, chew, or take apart almost anything. He’s 5 right now, and about 40 lbs. so it’s getting harder to be physical with him (like you hold your child and rock). If I don’t feel like he’s tired, I let him have his iPad to watch YouTube Kids in his room. I recently found out about that. It’s all kid friendly videos that have been approved by YouTube, so I don’t have to worry about him watching something that might not be appropriate. If something is going on that’s pretty quick, like changing him, wiping his face, or washing hands for example, it’s best to count down. Start with 10 or 15 seconds. As the numbers get smaller, they understand that it’s all over when you get to 1. Counting up, which makes the numbers bigger can be too overwhelming.