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My son with Asperger’s has lost interest in school and hides his giftedness to fit in. Anyone else experienced this?

A MyAutismTeam Member asked a question 💭

He is 15 years old now, used to be a gifted kid in the early years in the school

January 29
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A MyAutismTeam Member

Anege If I was diagnosed in my school age years this would be exactly my case as well. I even started to write my "memoirs" about what I was striving for and how it changed. Just one of the guys Fitting in with Autism.

Before I find a publisher here are some Autism Society websites and journal about the topic.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/t...

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/t...

https://reframingautism.org.au/friendship-lonel...

Key Aspects of Fitting In with Autism
Masking/Camouflaging: This involves suppressing natural behaviors (like stimming), forcing eye contact, and using scripts to navigate social situations. Approximately 90% of autistic people report camouflaging, with higher rates often reported in females.
Costs of Trying to Fit In: Constant masking is physically and mentally exhausting, causing burnout, depression, and loss of identity. It can also lead to delayed diagnosis, particularly for those with "mild" autism.
Alternative Strategies:
Find Your Community: Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals can provide a sense of belonging without the need to hide.
Self-Acceptance: Shifting focus from "fixing" oneself to accepting one's autistic traits can improve mental health.
Set Boundaries: Allowing yourself to drop the mask in safe environments helps prevent burnout.
The "Double-Edged Sword": While masking allows for navigating a neurotypical world, it means that acceptance is often conditional on not appearing "too autistic".

For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way.
For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way.
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/the-autistic-perspective/emily-katy-social-isolation-blog
fitting the mask
fitting the mask
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/the-spectrum/articles-and-features/fitting-the-mask
Friendship, Loneliness and Belonging in Autistic People - Reframing Autism
Friendship, Loneliness and Belonging in Autistic People - Reframing Autism
https://reframingautism.org.au/friendship-loneliness-and-belonging-in-autistic-people/
January 29
MyAutismTeam

Has your son with Asperger's lost interest in school and started hiding his abilities to fit in socially?

You're not alone in experiencing this. Many parents on MyAutismTeam have shared similar concerns about their teens navigating the difficult balance between their abilities and social acceptance during middle and high Show Full Answer

Has your son with Asperger's lost interest in school and started hiding his abilities to fit in socially?

You're not alone in experiencing this. Many parents on MyAutismTeam have shared similar concerns about their teens navigating the difficult balance between their abilities and social acceptance during middle and high school years.

One MyAutismTeam member described how their son used autism as a reason not to show his work, saying "I don't have to because I have autism," even though he was fully capable. This shows how teens can sometimes use their diagnosis in unexpected ways as they figure out their identity.

The teenage years can be particularly challenging because:
- Social pressures intensify during adolescence
- Teens with Asperger's may struggle with reading social cues while desperately wanting to fit in
- The desire for peer acceptance can override academic motivation
- Some teens experience depression and anxiety that affects their school performance

Several parents have shared that their children became moody, depressed, or disengaged during middle school years, especially when dealing with teasing from peers or feeling they couldn't relate to classmates.

Consider talking openly with your son about his giftedness as a strength rather than something to hide. Working with school staff to create a supportive environment and possibly connecting him with other gifted students on the spectrum might help him feel less isolated.

Has he expressed why he's hiding his abilities?

January 29

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