I've learned that you can not control a situation, but the one thing you do have power over is your own reaction. Focus more on what you have and less on what you should have or don't have. Your son's bio-dad may not have to deal with the melt-downs, the therapy visits, the IEP meetings and so-on, but he also does not get to enjoy all the wonderful little things your child does each day.

I totally believe in what @A MyAutismTeam Member said.
I had a similar situation. But my situation is more complicated in ways. I say "had" because the biological parent signed over his rights. But I know he would have signed over his rights no matter if his child was a typical child, any child. I know that because when I was pregnant with my son, he wanted me to abort him.
Now I realize, he is a person who would never be able to deal with a child with needs, period!
I know this sound harsh, but I would let go of the whole idea of pushing the subject of getting your ex to care for your special child. He is telling you, he wouldn't know how to deal with all that you do with. And pushing the subject on him, could put your beautiful child in danger.
Concentrate on what you have. I am learning that too. I am realizing that all that fuse in trying to get that one person into my son's life, just isn't worth it in the long run. Because, all that energy I am using, I am wasting. It is taking away from all I do for and with my son. And I am not willing to let that get in my way for giving all my son needs.
If your husband is a real man. And is engaged with your son , your other child, you, and all you do for your special son. Run with that! He is one in a million guy!!! I wish I had that kinda relationship...if you have that. I am happy for you. He loves BOTH of your children and you. We all love to hear the great stories of these great kinda men.
The losers, will definitely lose alot. Don't waste the energy on your ex.
My concern is your other child. Love them both equally. This will be another subject you will need to deal with much sooner than you think. "A sibling dealing with a sibling on the spectrum."
It sounds like you love the thought of having a great family unit. Don't let a loser, mess that up for you. No matter what...focus on your prize. Your lovely children, and loving husband. That is what life is all about.
I wish you the best @Parental Abortion!
I would love you on my team....)))
~Onefootinfrontoftheother

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A MyAutis...

Hi , just wanted to let you know your not alone . My son father isnt in the picture at all . The only thing he does if pay child support , but thats only cuz it's court ordered.. other then that he doesnt pick him up , see him , call him or call me to see how he is doing .what sucks even more is that he has two " normal" kids from his previous marriage who he has with him all the time . they are older and when i ask him why can he spend time with two if his kids and not all three his answer was cuz they can wip their own a** :(
you at least have someone that loves you and helps you ..I am all alone guess you can say i scared noone would want to help me raise him or have another kid with me . ( HUG )

@A MyAutismTeam Member i agree totally. Everyone tells me " take him back to court make him do this or that" i am like no why bother its a waste of my time, money and enegy. In the end he's only hurting himself because both my boys know whos there for them. They also know who supports them emotionally and financially, i didnt need him when we were togther and i dont need him now to take care and provide for my boys.

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A MyAutis...

How terrible! But like someone said here earlier, those dad's are missing some of the most precious moments.
One night, I took our autistic son with me to the quick rip. The heater on my car was acting funny so I wasn't using it because when you turned it on white smoke would billow out from the vents.
It was pretty cold so he asked me if we could turn on the heater. After I explained why he responded with, "Well, if you just put that button on HIGH and that other one on HEAT....". I then gave him permission to perform the task and the white smoke came pouring out. Normally, this assault on his senses would have caused him a bit of distress but instead he just died laughing. He was about 6 years old at the time and still talks about it. (He'll be 22 in Sept.)
I feel sorry for these deadbeat selfish dads. They have no idea what they are missing.
Yeah, it's hard to raise a child (autistic or not). But none of you are alone. We are here.