I got a bunch of books out of our library for my two older kids when their sister was diagnosed with autism. The one they liked best is called "All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome". Even if your child has autism rather than AS, a lot of the explanations still apply.

Thank you to all who remarked to this. At the time it was a real concern of mine; however, I am finding that my two boys mesh just fine! They were meant to be together! I've never seen two brothers so close.

Oh, boy. I don't even remember my mom and dad sitting me down and telling me that Larry was "autistic." It was like something that I grew up just knowing, like having five fingers. Because autism was so rare at the time, books on the subject barely existed. If your son doesn't seem to "get it", just give him time to watch and learn and see if he has any breakthrough moments. Siblings see things that sometimes parent's don't, so don't be too concerned if it doesn't "sink in" until later. I never had a particular moment when I realized my brother was different, it was always just there.

Jacob is one smart little guy, but when I did talk to him about Dalton being "Different" I don't know if it sunk in. Maybe it is what I need to do, is make it a comon thing so he won't forget that loud noises bother his brother. I am so grateful that Jacob hasn't gotten bittered toward his brother, but is a sharing guy. I gave him a twix and he snapped his in half and gave a peice to his brother. I think he is learning coping mechanisms. Honestly, I wasn't too concerned about this until I heard there was a study of effects on an autistic child on a non autistic child.

I've talked at length with my 9 year old typical son about his 6 year old brother's autism, and have even gone so far as to get library books about autism for him to read. It has made a difference for him. But of course your approach would be different with a 4 year old. Seems like you could choose a time that you have one-on-one time with Jacob to sit and talk about it. Maybe bring up the times Dalton does things that upset Jacob. Then try to use concepts that a 4 year old would understand to explain it. "His brain works differently than yours. He can think about things but his words don't come out easily. " "his ears are very sensitive - that means he can hear very quiet noises, but loud noises hurt. Can you imagine that?" Also, make sure you think of some things that are good about Dalton - "he's really good at trains; he has a great memory; sometimes he's very funny and likes to laugh" (sorry, I'm using my son's attributes, lol!). Also, "we have to help him more sometimes, but he will not always cry a lot. We will learn to communicate with him. You can help him too." and include him in explaining how you deal with some of his communication issues or other things. Jacob can grow to be a very sensitive kid who will help those in need. 4 year olds are capable of understanding some relatively complex ideas, and understanding whys and hows. It won't happen overnight, but if you give him time and make it an ongoing conversation he will grow to understand.