my son stopped sleeping in his own bed around the time he started school. Then he slept in my bed until he was 12 and even at 13 will come in sometimes. When he goes to sleep, he will ask several times for hugs and sometimes for big hugs. He needs that squeeze to calm him down and settle in. If he wakes up at night he'll call out and ask me for a hug. His room is right across from mine so we leave the doors open for this reason. Also, when he first started sleeping in his own room, i would lay in his bed with him until he fell asleep for about a week or so until he was ready to move to the next step. Then i laid on the floor next to his bed until he fell asleep. Each "step" i moved futher. Step 3 is sat in the doorway, step 4 i sat in the hall, step 5 i was in my own bed but kept the light on and read until he fell asleep. It was a long process, each step took about a week. Sometimes we'd regress to the previous step for a night or two but it finally worked and he felt secure with it because it was on his terms and timeframe. I think his thing was separation anxiety because we had issues with me dropping him off at school when he was little and again when he started middle school. He also has meltdowns if i need to go somewhere and leave him with my parents or at his father's house.

my son wanted his bedroom to look like the bottom of the ocean. We painted the walls blue and i let him and his friends paint fish and ocean creatures all over. They thought it was so cool that they were allowed to paint on the walls whenever they came to our house. One little girl even climbed onto the top bunk and put a seagull on the ceiling! My mother couldn't believe i allowed this but it's only paint, we can paint over it when the time comes. He loved being in his room and that's what mattered.

We bought a bed tent, he's 17 now and have been using one for about 13 years now. He likes that enclosure feeling and when we go on vacation and have to stay in a hotel we bought a single camping tent. Haven't had a problem with him wondering out of his room since.

Oh how this brings back memories. Many a traumatic night with bedtime routine and futile "Ferberizing" attempts until Eman was 5. Just not wired for sleep. Started him on sleep meds before we all went crazy. Hindsight, here's what helped address the issues of transition, separation, need for contact. Transition: no visual media 1 hour before bedtime. Bedtime rituals. Ours was dim the lights, steamed almond milk and stories or mom singing..review the day and tell a bit about what tomorrow would be. Night light or flashlight, Christmas lights strung in room. Separation: tough one. Always hysterical. Later remedied with distraction by transfering attention to listening to stories or music on tape. He was in control of the buttons. His favorite and to this day are the Harry Potter stories on tape. They have played over and over in his head for years! We think any more E has just become accustomed to the story teller's voice which has just become mezmorizing. You might try this with stories read and taped by grandpa, auntie, or whomever. Need for contact: was it emotional or tactile contact he "needed."? Hard to tell. We have learned to "shape the environment to shape the behavior." It is sweet to think he just wanted his mama, but more hindsight says it was more about where his body was in space and he couldn't figure out how to bring himself out of the day's orbit to control that himself. Hence. the sleeping bag, tent, Teepee, IKEA Rainbow tarp over the bed, heavy wool blankets, side rail, gate on door, and "Todor," the beloved stuffed orange cat.
E is almost 15. Still listens to Harry Potter, but supplements with Falconry pod casts, and radio"Leo Laport the Tech Guy." Still being read to as long as he has been safe during the day, and still wants me to sit a few minutes with him before he falls asleep. Still requires sleep meds.

I am still working on my son sleeping in his own bed and he is 12! Sometimes he sleeps in his room and then sometimes I wake up and he is snoring next to me. Sometimes he is so close he pushes me out of my bed! I have simply given up! He can go for days sleeping in his own bed though. Just when I think we have finally worked that out, he comes bouncing in! I think autistics really need their mothers to be close.