Hi Team! What we do redefines the terms "juggling" and "multitasking". I do my socializing at the salon or on Facemook /emails. I'm struggling with the identity thing as well. My son is high functioning, but it's a remoundous amount of work to stay strong and advocate for your child.

I wrote about this in my blog and I highly recommend the book "Thorn in my Pocket" by Eustacia Cutler. She is Temple Grandin's mom. She focuses a LOT on the issue of identity. I HIGHLY recommend that you read some of her work. Check our the post on my blog, where I have a bunch of links:
http://findingpeaceinthepuzzle.blogspot.com/201...
http://findingpeaceinthepuzzle.blogspot.com/201...

Our son is 23 and on the extremely severe end of the spectrum. We still need to hold his hand or arm in a parking lot. As his Dad I get all kinds of looks holding hands with a 23 old man. Screw 'em. A lot of things that used to bother me are small shit now.
Being the parent of an autistic child defines me now. I have accepted it as part of my life.
My other 2 kids think that this craziness we live with is normal. It's all they've known and I don't know what we would do without them. My wife and I have managed to keep it together (30 years so far...) which has been difficult for both of us.
For whatever reasons acceptance is much easier for me than my wife, but we have both come to understand that Michael's demands and outbursts are not something that we should fight, but rather and itch that he has that needs to be scratched.
Every autistic person I have met (hundreds) is unique. So what works for us may not work for others.
My wife and I have become great tag teamers. When I come home from work, she generally does something with the other kids or something for herself. I guess that is the hardest part of keeping our marriage together is that we have to work hard to make time for an evening or a lunch together alone. Michael's siblings are grown (both in college, his sister is in Grad school earning a PhD in Molecular and Biochemical Engineering, so we have kids on both ends of cognitive abilities)and they help us immensely.
Regarding respite care, we have tried and used it several times. It's hard to find the right person, the pay is shit and the work is hard. For a while we had the "Dennis the Menace" syndrome, they would come once and then run for the hills. There have been many poor workers, but a few great ones. It's hit or miss. I would say, try them until you find someone you like. The first time we tried someone new, we would be in the house or down the street, just in case.
It's hard but acceptance is the ultimate solution. Life is not fair, but so what.
Good luck to you.
Terry

I understand the identity crisis.........we lose much of ourselves because of the emotional, mental and physical focus our children require. Family and friends don't become a part of the solution; it just seems to create more distance. For me personally I had to give up my full-time job; my employer did allow me to switch to part-time and do it at home but some days it is very challenging. I do miss the work relationships and friends. While I love my son more than anything, there is a part of me that is lost and subdued. I find my hope in Christ.

My son is 18, nonverbal and yes I have lost myself in this world of autism. What I have learned is to create breaks. My husband and I will be caring for our son for the rest of our lives. We have to create to for each other and time for ourselves. I agree with an earlier post, use respite until you find someone that works and don't give up. I have had terrific people over the years and I have had horrible ones. Stay in another part of the house and train new people overe several weeks before you truly go "away".

The guilt evereyone talks about - ignore that feeling. It is a disservice to never teach your child to allow others to care for them. One day illness or death will come and if you never trained your child to be cared for by others, he/she will really struggle when life throws a true curve.