I lost my favorite uncle/godfather when my son was four. He and my son were great friends. When he was told that "Uncle Fred" went up to heaven, he left it at that. When we visited his grave, my daughter started to cry at the fact that her "friend" was buried in the ground. Then my son said "Don't be silly. That is just his shell. His spirit is in heaven. He is an angel now."

It can take kids a long time to get used to the concept. My best advice is to take it slow. You might want to start with a general outline, to make sure they don't have any fears or misunderstandings. Keep it very brief and simple.

When our dog died, we were surprised to find that our son was mostly unaware of death. He only watches certain TV, and he pays no attention at all to dead bugs, dead trees, or the other constant reminders that all life comes to an end. Many weeks after we explained death to him, he still expected the dog to "get better" and to "come back home".

We were careful to talk about it in a very matter-of-fact manner, and to be open and honest. Many ASD kids are very sensitive, and easily pick up on the slightest unwillingness to talk about a given subject. We were careful not to force information on him, but willing to talk about it any time he brought up the subject.

In each case, we kept it simple, and we explained it in terms of the differences between life and death. When he asked what Nina was eating, or where she was sleeping, we explained that when dogs die, they don't eat any more, and they don't sleep any more. We tried to avoid the story of "going to sleep", except to say that it was "like" falling asleep. We felt like the comparison to "resting" might be misunderstood.

We also tried to avoid statements like "she is happy now". (This is easier in the case of a dog, because we could choose not to discuss religion at all.) In the case of a grandparent, I am not sure how much religion I would add. People take great comfort in spiritual views of death, but I don't believe we should use these to try to protect children from the emotions of loss.

We mourn, and we are sad, because we miss someone. If we try to take away the grief by suddenly telling children it was God's will, it might ring false to them, and might even hurt their relationship with God at some future time. Kid's see everyone around them feeling a profound sense of mourning, and it is not exactly the best time to talk to them about faith.

All kids go through stages, and ASD kids are no different. Up to the age of 5 or so, almost all kids have a temporary view of death. This is not really the fault of TV, it is just the way kids think. They have a temporary view of everything.

From the age of 5 to about 10, typical kids start to think about death, but it is not really personal. They might have nightmares, based on their understanding of death. Some kids might fear the loneliness they associate with separation, other kids might fear pain. As they come to understand that all things die, each kid personalizes it in their own way.

Our son would ask questions, and then would suddenly change the subject. He spent some time afterward thinking about the answers, and then would come back with more questions. I get the feeling it is a very natural way for a kid to understand death.

When my father was very close to this stage, My daughter asked if gpa was going to get better? I told her, the doctors help him as much as they can and when that isn't enough it is Gd's turn to help him. I have not practiced my religious believes lately but I felt like it helped her to know he is going where he will not be in pain anymore. She said, I will miss him & I said ME TOO hun. I have never forgotten that day. Her Gpa died a month later. she took it better than I did. Even told he, Don't cry mom, smile cause poppa is not in pain.

I hope it helps...... been there, it's hard. Kat