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My son with ASD is almost 10 and there are 2 younger sibs. We have a family bed because no one was sleeping at all for a couple of years! I am divorced so it is just the boys and I to consider on this issue. I read and say prayers, then they go to sleep. For the longest time my 10 year old would not even fall asleep unless I was in the bed. Now he can be wide awake and he will eventually fall asleep. Some nights I sleep on the couch one or more of them will come get me sometimes no one gets up… read more
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Members shared openly about co-sleeping with children on the autism spectrum, with many describing how their children naturally transitioned... Read more
My oldest (aspergers) and youngest (NT) co-slept with us until they were ready to move to their own beds. My oldest moved to his own bed around the age of 7 and my youngest still sleeps with us (6 years old) We would put them to sleep in their own beds but sometime in the night they would move into our bed. My oldest (now 11) cannot sleep by himself and will only stay in his room if his brothers are in there but is in his own bed. My family has always been against this saying we need to force them to sleep in their own beds. We will be going on a family vacation in Aug. I'm prepping for the fight that it will start but honestly we all sleep better when we aren't fighting about sleep and if my boys feel more comfortable in my bed then that is where they will sleep. My middle son (most severe on the spectrum) has never wanted to sleep with anyone. He prefers to be alone.
@A MyAutismTeam Member
Thank you for your post. It is always good to have a male perspective on the questions being asked. I agree with all your points, if you have typically developing children.
I tried the "cry it out" routine before diagnosis...in excess of 2 hours for many nights on end. I did not "cave" just because of the monitor...I heard my child when I was three floors down in the basement---without the monitor. He never stopped until he was exhausted night after night after night...I do not believe that is the way to "learn" how sleep should be, because even that can become a habit that would be hard to break, not to mention the heart ache.
My children do not play in the bed, it is all business, read, prayers, and sleep.
I no longer have a spouse to be concerned about another adults needs or feelings.
My observation would also be that if you are the "insomniac" then maybe you could stay with the kids while they asleep and allow your wife a good night's rest alone. That would be very supportive to your wife's needs. It would also illustrate attentive support to your children's needs.
PS. I also get up every morning and get all 4 of us out the door and to school/work daily.
First (this is easier said then done) but the ex has no real say in the matter. Tell him it is what works for you and since you are the one dealing with the sleep problems his unwanted opinion is just that, unwanted.
Second no way in heck would I let my boy cio. Until a few months ago he had NO receptive language to leave him cry when he had no clue even what we were saying,NO. Me and the hubby threw down over that more than once. He was not one the winning side.
If you are okay with your son in your bed that is all that matters. My only question would be would the x try to use this against you in court. On the outside looking in it appears wrong. I would mention it to your bcba or psychologist just in case you need back up.
P.s. my son is two still has not slept alone.
My wife sleeps with our 4 year-old ASD daughter and a 2 year-old son. I tried putting my daughter in her own bed every night but she cried enough that my wife always gave in so it's a pattern now. I blame the stupid baby monitor for giving my daughter a megaphone to scream with every night. The kids have no concept of letting other people sleep because they don't understand some people have to go to work or get up the next day at a certain hour. They play around on the bed as my wife goes crazy from lack of sleep and blaming me for the problem if they take a nap on the weekends. My wife also complains about the temperature from them all on the same bed so the thermostat is set to freezing.
There's a couple of things a bed is good for and one of them is sleep. Kids need to learn to sleep on their own they can sleep and wake up without getting everyone else to sleep or wake at the same time. We try breaking the kids up but they are jealous of each other and are more attached to their mom than their insomniac dad. They either have to be put in their beds as long as it takes or they are going to get mature enough to feel it's "uncool" to sleep with their mom. I watched a few episodes of Supernanny and she had parents put kids in their beds over and over until it worked.
bab006 said:
Thank you for your comments.
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