"Discipline" is handled differently with individuals with Autism. It sounds like your stepdaughter may benefit from ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) therapy or something similar. My son was a totally different person before ABA. We could not go to the store, he could not function in a classroom setting, and vacations were almost totally impossible. He screamed, tantrumed, or cried about 60-70% of his waking hours. A good ABA therapist is invaluable to a family raising an Autistic child. ABA taught my son and us, as parents, how to help him regulate his emotions. I remember the year after he graduated from ABA actually taking him to Disney. As we watched the fireworks one evening in a crowded street, I cried because I realized how far he had come with ABA. Without the therapy, that trip would have been impossible. It made our lives so much more manageable. He still struggles every day but he is so much calmer than he used to be. This year we were able to enroll him in school and he is functioning in the classroom for the first time. So far so good! Children with Autism are like puzzles. Each piece of their being is intricate and fits precisely and beautifully together. The tough job for us, as parents, is figuring out how our "puzzle" was made to fit together and to help them realize their God-given purpose in life. It takes a lot of work, patience, and love but they are blessings. My thoughts are with you as you navigate the future with your little blessing.

Not all ABA therapists are created equal. To my son's first ABA therapist, he was just the 12-2 p.m. slot. It was OK, but not what we were looking for. We then switched to a wonderful group run by an amazing couple of ladies who had worked with and parented special needs children for decades. My son loved his therapists and their aides! He looked forward to their sessions. He thought of them as friends. When he graduated, he still looked for them to come pick him up for sessions. Before ABA, at the age of 6, he tried to commit suicide. After ABA, he has been so much happier...not repressed...not stifled...happy. ABA does not work for all children, I am sure. But for my son, with the right therapists who genuinely cared about him, it was amazing.

Parents of Autistic children need hope and encouragement. Hope and encouragement not to give up trying to support their child. Hope and encouragement that their young child is not predestined to an institutionalized life when the parents are gone. Many children will grow up to function in society productively with the appropriate caring professional support, especially when started young. Sometimes, you do not know until you try. I never would have guessed that my son would be where he is today functionally, if you had asked me when he was 6. He is just 13 now so I still don't know what adulthood will look like, but I choose to be optimistic and tenacious in getting him whatever support he needs. Parents need to know they are not alone, especially in the beginning. That is why I am thankful for this site so parents and individuals with Autism can share their experiences. Together, we can work to lift each other up. That is my aim is to help someone look up and say, "Yes, I can do this another day...one day at a time." There is a "Thank God I didn't miss this moment" out there. It may be a small success or just a special moment but it will be worth the wait. ♥️

I must disagree with what the last poster said about the effectiveness of ABA as well as the puzzle analogy. While I do not plan to downplay or even invalidate the last poster’s experiences, I am also compelled to respond with my personal experiences being on the Autism Spectrum and being an ABA Therapist (RBT).

Parents who had their Autistic children go through ABA tend to say their children improved because of ABA. Their children became a totally different person from before they did ABA. They have less bad behaviors and better manners. Unfortunately, most of these parents are unaware of the internal stresses these children may be carrying as a result of the effects of what ABA encourages. ABA highly encourages complete compliance to Neurotypical standards and expectations. They train Autistic children how to mask their behaviors and their Autistic identity so they may fit in and become indistinguishable from their NT peers. All that pressure from masking will eventually lead to burnouts that cause meltdowns far worse than when they had started ABA whether they be emotional or physical. It’s counterproductive and potentially traumatic for the child.

As for the puzzle analogy, there’s a big reason why a lot of Autistic people hate the puzzle piece as a symbol. It implies that we are incomplete and are a riddle that needs to be solved. It also implies that we need to be cured. It’s very insensitive and insulting even.

If you really wanna understand your Autistic stepchild, I would start by talking to Autistic adults who can give you firsthand experience living with their condition. These information are very valuable and will help you understand us better. Also, it’s very important to remember that we always have an explanation as to why we behave the way we do. If you can figure out what the “why” of those behaviors and help us resolve whatever is bothering us, you can make both of your lives more easier because once we resolve our problems, we will no longer have any reason to behave in that way so the frequency of that behavior decreases. I must warn you that the child must be the one to resolve the problem. You cannot do it for the child.

Discipline? There is no such thing with someone on the ASD spectrum. If you feel the need to apply discipline the best advice is to provide supporting comfort, care and try to redirect them to something else they want or like. Never ever say the word "NO", or stand toe to toe (within their comfort zone), or point a finger a them.

For many in the middle or lower end of the spectrum, any type of disciplinary actions immediately puts them in a fight or flight state of mind. They could potentially act out mistakenly thinking they need defend themselves. I would assume they will and hope for a different outcome. When someone on the spectrum is addressed with disciplinary behavior it could or likely take months for the aggressor to win them back over. Dads easily fall into this issue and for those dads who don't learn quickly will cause a lifetime of behavioral problems.

Autism is a lifetime journey, a full time job, and will disrupt employment opportunities, vacation plans, and savings. For some the journey is just a little challenging. However, for others the additional medical issues that will arise as they age into puberty and then again into adulthood things WILL cause change for caregivers and alter almost every aspect of your life. Save your money and be prepared to change with them. It's their world now. We just live in it.