This time of year is my favorite for one main reason—the food! Seeing extended family and getting time off from school or work is also a bonus. Sometimes spending time with your extended family can be a hassle, especially if you have different circumstances than the rest of your family.
My son happens to be the only child with any sort of special needs (ASD) on either side of the family, which can make the holidays stressful. Yes, getting my son to do something other than climb the stairs over and over again is frustrating, but that’s not the main stressor, the extended family is. We all love our families (hopefully!), but sometimes things aren’t all pleasant.
I remember how interactions with my son went at the first family gathering following his diagnosis. It was nearly nonexistent. We have two doctors in the family, so they interacted with my son, but others didn’t. Over time I began to notice a trend in who would make an effort to talk to and play with my son, but also that did not. I even conducted an informal experiment to see how often my extended family interacted with my son last Thanksgiving. You know what I found? The family members who barely engaged my son had little to no knowledge about autism.
It can be so easy to just get angry, assume they don’t want to be a part of your child’s life, or even dislike your child. Try not to jump to conclusions and think about why certain family members avoid your child. There could be a whole host of completely rational reasons why they avoid your child.
Here are some reasons that I have found to be true:
I have noticed that the more information I provide to my family, the more they want to interact with my son and ask about his progress. It is so important to not jump to conclusions and get angry. Let’s be honest, raising a child with ASD is hard work. Why add more work and stress to your load? Try to enjoy the holidays, eat lots of yummy food, and teach your child some new social skills. And if some family member refuses to be social with your child, then don’t sweat it. Your child needs to be surrounded by supportive and loving people anyways.
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