We as parents tend to not push are children and not demand of our children what the therapist will. In a sense they are right we do get in the way. The child needs to learn to cope with things demanded of them to be able to function in society.

That all being said we only let them go so far and do things in small steps because it works best, but we do allow them to push our child's limits without getting them over upset

THANKS FOR ALL THE COMMENTS BUT we have been doing a.b.a for over a year now . this is a new teacher and new company . I personally don't LIKE there methods what so ever but cant afford any thing else

My son would cry much of the time at first. He would not even sit for 5 minutes when he was 3-4 years old.
What helped was reminding myself how his screaming and tantrums would be at 5, 10, 15, etc. years old if I did not let the ABA/VB therapists get him to learn to at least be open to sitting and accepting hand over hand or some sort of attending type of skills.

I read a book called "Let Me Hear Your Voice" by Catherine Maurice, before I ever considered ABA. In the book, initially the child cried for hours and the methods seemed cruel. In the end it worked out for the best. I also read "The ME Book" considered by some the bible of ABA. They also explain the initial phases of ABA are uncomfortable for the child until they learn compliance. Even the relationship model RDI considers the child unable to learn until he can take a submissive role with the parent/teacher - however their approach is more gentle in my eyes.